In early December, I challenged the Low End Mac community to help me pay off a debt to the IRS. Although the total due was just under $7,000, with other expenses and factoring in PayPal fees, I set the goal at $8,000. You all came through in a big way, and I thank you!
No, we didn’t hit our goal. We were over $1,800 short of the goal, but I was able to send the IRS a $3,000 payment in December and another $1,000 payment this week. I kept enough in reserve to cover this month’s $250 payment.
We had a total of 197 donations, sometimes multiple donations from the same person, and the total amount donated was $6,167. Of that, $453 went to PayPal in transaction fees and international exchange rate fees, so we received a total of $5,714.
No Phone for You
We had some unexpected developments. After my wife moved out, she cancelled my phone service (through a friend’s Friends and Family plan) on December 5, and I lost access to a phone number I’d used for over 15 years. The text telling me that was our last communication.
My sister added me to her AT&T plan on December 8. I’m now paying $40/month for mobile service, a big increase from the $15 I’d paid before. Then again, Low End Mac is only paying for one line now, not two.
Talk to the Hand
When Waverly left on November 25, she left a letter explaining that she needed some time apart to “figure things out”. (This is Stage 3 of women’s infidelity, a fascinating study of the pattern most women follow in withdrawing from their marriage, finding a new relationship, and divorcing. 70-75% of divorces are initiated by women.) On December 6, she applied received a personal protection order (PPO) against me, which prevents me approaching her or communicating with her in any way. In short, if I want to communicate with her, it has to be through a third party.
If I wondered what she thought of me, the PPO made it even clearer.
Looking at all she had taken – including the window air conditioner from the master bedroom – it was obvious that what she was not coming back and was figuring out was how to beat me in court, as she had her two previous husbands. That PPO makes me look bad, even if it is without merit.
I decided to give her all of December to decide what to do. After that, I would hire a lawyer and file for divorce. I wasn’t going to let this stretch out.
I met with my lawyer on January 5. We talked for a couple hours, catching up on our lives since college, and filled out paperwork to begin the process of putting together a complaint. I was hoping we would file before she did, but she was more anxious to get divorced than expected. Her complaint was filed and dated January 18. The first I knew of it was when her lawyer called me on January 26. The next day I went to his office and picked up the complaint.
I no longer have to wonder if she wants a divorce, and because she went first, she gets to pay the filing fees. Now we’ll have to figure out an equitable distribution of property and debts. Then we’re done.
What a Relief It Is
As I’ve shared elsewhere, this has been a relief for me. Living with a narcissist (she scores at least 5 of 9 traits listed in DSM) and dealing with narcissistic abuse and gaslighting constantly was very stressful. (Narcissism is a common aspect of codependency, which is common in dysfunctional families.)
After the shock of her moving out, I found life a lot less stressful.
There have been other stressors. Several of her paychecks never made it to our joint checking account before she left, and a lot of bills were behind by one or more months. She left me $73 in our checking account and a mortgage payment of $726 due on December 1st. She let me know about that in an letter she left me on November 29, along with her plan for dividing our debts. She never responded to my suggested changes to that proposal.
I take home about $320 per week, so it took me a month to save enough to cover my first house payments (first and second mortgage). I had my electricity turned off because the bill was so far past due, and I had to dip into the Low End Mac account for $400 to get the lights back on.
For about a week, I was fearful that she might come and take my car during the night while I was at work, since she never gave me her key.
I ended up using some old iPhones as security cameras at home using Manything, a free app that would notify me at work if there was activity – usually just a car driving down the road. She had me that paranoid, and even though I was at least as afraid of her as she was of me, the court turned down my petition for a PPO against her. The judge wrote on my petition, “Either party may file for divorce.”
Waverly and I had joint checking accounts and were both authorized signers on the business account. Because her name was on all of our accounts, I went to another bank, set up a new checking account with only my name on it, and had my paycheck go there. I didn’t want to take any chance of Waverly taking any more from me than she already had.
After I had the new account set up and direct deposit working, I went to Chase to close out our old accounts. It turns out she had removed her name from all of those accounts on December 2 but neglected to share that information with me.
So, yes, there have been a lot of stressors in my life over the past two months, but I’m totally at peace living alone and looking forward to ending this train wreck of a marriage as quickly as possible. I can’t trust her, and I don’t want to ever see her again after the way she treated me both in the marriage and after she decided to leave.
The Future of Low End Mac
I incorporated Cobweb Publishing, Inc., on January 1, 2001 to publish Low End Mac. I made it a corporation to protect my personal assets should anyone sue. The drawback is it costs a lot more to file taxes and the like for a corporation, so on January 1, 2017, I dissolved Cobweb Publishing, Inc., and assigned all of its assets to its only shareholder. Me. This should save on tax preparation costs going forward.
I haven’t been spending a lot of time on my computer lately, let alone Low End Mac. It’s an important part of my life, but right now it needs to be on the back burner. I need to figure out how to pay the bills. More precisely, which bills to pay and which to say, “Sorry, there’s no money for you this month. I need to eat.”
Low End Mac is not going away. Simon Royal has been doing the majority of writing for LEM for some time now, and I appreciate his work. (Like everyone involved with Low End Mac, Simon doesn’t get paid.)
April 7, 2017 will mark the 20th anniversary of my beginning Low End Mac. By then I hope the divorce will be settled and my finances will be in better shape. I have renewed the domain registration for lowendmac.com, so it’s going to be around for many more years.
I will need to revise our budget, since I still have a commitment of $250 a month to the IRS until the debt is paid in full. And the mobile bill is higher than expected. Until I have time to sit down with a spreadsheet, I’m setting the budget at $400 per month, most of that for taxes.
It was several weeks before I had my new checking account, so I only had my PayPal account and money card from work during that time.
- IRS, $4,000
- State Farm insurance, $370
- My sister, $150 for used 64 GB iPhone 6 Plus
- PNC Bank, $100 to open my new checking account
- AT&T U-verse, $146
- DTE Energy, $116
- Target, $112
- Godwin Plumbing and Heating, $99 to get furnace running
- Aldi, $87
- overdraft fees, $64
- Beenverified and Truthfinder, $34 to look for dirt on Waverly
I currently have $330 in PayPal and $330 in the one Chase account that I kept open for Low End Mac.
The Future of Daniel Knight
I’m in no hurry to get married. I may not do it again, but if the right one comes along… I would like a woman in my life, a significant other who is not controlling or manipulative or abusive. Someone who knows how to trust, how to apologize, and how to forgive. Someone with emotional intelligence. Someone who assumes the best about me, not the worst. Someone who defends me against false accusations rather than joining with those making them or making them up herself.
Last year I learned what happens when you get on the wrong side of a narcissist. For a narcissist, there are two categories of people – those who can benefit them, who are treated very well, and those who are of no benefit to them, who are treated like sh…
Keywords: #lowendmac #divorce #waverlyknight
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