2000 – Late Tuesday evening, Apple Computer was served legal papers by the Borg. They are suing Apple over the shape and name of their newest computer, the Power Mac G4 Cube.
“Resistance is futile,” said the Borg spokesdrone. “We pioneered the cube concept millennia ago in the Delta Quadrant, as it allows the most efficient use of space and communication among segments of the collective.”
Despite disparities in size, purpose, and overall design, the Borg intend to fully push their claims. “The similarities show Apple has been studying our collective. Their cube is protected in a transparent casing, much as our more advanced technology protects our cubes with force fields. Like the Borg, the G4 Cube is designed to communicate without wires.
“Apple has shown their ability to assimilate both Microsoft Windows and Linux for use on their computers. Their ability to assimilate other operating systems overshadows that of Bill Gates to assimilate businesses and individual computer users. We believe that Steve Jobs intends to assimilate all competition, then begin a cybernetic collective on your planet that may grow to rival our own.
“We wish nothing less than the complete assimilation of Apple Computer.”
Observers believe that the G4 Cube’s use of a single processor will be a strong argument in Apple’s favor, since the Borg cube uses massively parallel biological processors. Further, the fact that AirPort is an option means that a stock Cube cannot communicate wirelessly, also reducing parallels with the Borg cube.
Additional arguments Apple is expected to use include use of primitive devices such a mouse, keyboard, and microphone for input. This is in stark contrast to the Borg’s use of nanoprobes and other technology that readily interfaces with biological units.
In discussions with Apple supporters, the Borg spokesdrone was heard to say, “We will not sit idly by. They are trying to exert their marketing pressure; they will be assimilated.”
Numerous sources have indicated that shipping dates for the G4 Cube have slipped. Speculation exists that this is, in fact, tied to possible legal action or invasion by the Borg.
An Apple representative had no comment on the matter.
More information will be obtained as further details become available.
– Anne Onymus
