The iPaq: What Is Compaq Thinking?

What is Compaq thinking these days? The world’s biggest computer company, world renowned for its cheaply built computers sometimes lacking a plastic case, which we all know is the best way to make them, has suddenly turned to a bizarre concept…

Buzz of DOJ

The iPaq Channel

The iPaq: What Is Compaq Thinking?

Paulo Rodrigues – April 1, 2000

What is Compaq thinking these days? The world’s biggest computer company, world renowned for its cheaply built computers sometimes lacking a plastic case, which we all know is the best way to make them, has suddenly turned to a bizarre concept. While most manufacturers have emphasized their usage of dated technologies and over-advertised megahertz rates, Compaq has looked to the two most unnecessary features in computing: appearance and simplicity.

Why the heck would Compaq create a machine that attracts a very narrow sliver of the computing audience? We all know that people never show off the appearance of their computer’s case! It’s one of its heavily hyped features, but it doesn’t benefit the marketability of the product at all!

“Well, what about simplicity?” you say. The fact is that the Windows operating system is the best one on the planet, with the ease of use and stability that even a dog could use, and all decent computers use Windows, so what’s the point of the “features” like the “convenient” buttons on the keyboard that makes opening applications and connecting to the Internet easier? Everyone knows the Start menu has always been the best way to open anything worth using on your computer! Why add stylish buttons that clash with the refined squareness of the nearby function keys?

And, one of the worst things about the new iPaq is the availability of the “legacy-free” model. Now, I happen to drive a Subaru Legacy, and they’re great! But, back to being non-hysterically funny, the idiotic thing about the legacy-free model is it lacks any usable ports, it doesn’t even have one blazingly fast parallel port! All it has is USB ports, which few people use, and probably won’t use until the long-awaited USB 2.0 arrives. Why does it only have them? So you’ll be forced to buy overpriced USB peripherals, thus earning component makers richer, and that money trickles back to Compaq by way of paying Compaq to use the iPaq in their ads. Talk about deceptive advertising! Forget Microsoft’s antitrust case, this is almost twice as crooked!

Finally, the product name. Unlike quality manufacturers like HP and Dell, the iPaq doesn’t have a cryptic number-name, like 5760 for example, that helps you know which product is better. This makes buying an iPaq a confusing and complicated experience.

Hey, at least it’s not available in some girlie color like green! And, despite it’s perplexing lack of a number in it’s name, at least the model name itself is original!

Keywords: #lowendwin #aprilfools

Short link:

searchword: lowendwin

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.