Used to be, Apple could stand up for itself against the Wintel
world. Now, not exactly assimilated, Macs have had to adapt to be
acceptable in business and in "corporate education," where the network
is more important than the individual user. Back in the old days, you
could bring your Mac to work and use it just so you could get your work
done. Other people would see how productive you were, and gradually you
could convert the Unwashed Masses. These days, though, it's not
Computationally Correct to bring "nonstandard" equipment into the
workplace, and more and more companies are phasing out Macs because
it's more efficient (for IT, not for you). What's a Mac user to do?
Consider the following subversive tactics which can make your point
clear not only to IT, but to the administration that handles IT's
budget.
When the next big virus scare pops up in the news, hang a big sign
on your door or cubicle entrance which says, "This workstation has been
PC-virus free since 1984."
Send a memo to the director of IT that says from now on, due to
requirements of the art department, all correspondence, measurements,
bids, and estimates will be conducted in metric units. Buying only one
type of ruler will be more cost-efficient.
Every time you help a Wintel user fix their computer, set the home
page on Microsoft Explorer to John
Droz's "Why Mac" page.
Teach people how easy it is to open a Dell now that they've copied
the side opening design from Apple, and point out how easy it would be
to remove parts quickly and without special tools. Show the custodial
staff, too. And the caterer. And the FedEx guy.
Order your Mac through the office supply budget to bypass the usual
IT purchasing restrictions.
Hang a Mac User's Bumper Snicker on
your wall. Make copies and leave them in colleague's snail mail
boxes.
Ask for a fax line in your office. Since fax lines are almost always
not a part of the PBX system, you can use the fax line to connect your
Mac directly to the Internet, bypassing the network that refuses to
offer AppleTalk services.
Connect a PC monitor and USB keyboard to a Mac CPU under your desk,
run OS X, and tell everyone it's XP. You seriously think your boss
can tell the difference?
Buy a copy of Connectix Windows 3 for Windows XP, and install it on
the budget director's computer just to see IT get really, really
confused.
Take an old LocalTalk to ethernet adapter into the IT department,
hold it high over your head, and yell, "Nobody move! I've got AppleTalk
packets, and I know how to use them!"
Install Timbuktu at home, then do your work remotely from your PC at
work using Timbuktu for Windows.
Use Kaleidoscope on OS 9 with a theme designed to look like Windows
98.
Subscribe your boss to the Mac Evangelist newsletter or any
newsletter sponsored by Low End Mac.
Forward old Lite Side articles to your
colleagues. Just send the URL so we get more hits.
Better yet, subscribe the group email account to the newsletter of
your choice. You know, the address that goes to everyone.
If you're leaving the company for whatever reason, once your new job
is set, tell everyone you are leaving because you'd rather use a
Mac.
If you're involved in interviews, reject applications which show
PC-only experience.
Use iCab or another alternative
browser with the internal identification set to tell Web sites that it
is really Internet Explorer. Send a memo to all Mac users giving
instructions on how to do this.
Start a technology underground at your office by stringing your own
ethernet cabling under partitions, below the carpet, through the drop
tile ceiling, etc., connecting to a router leading to a cable modem
installed in the executive boardroom where the TV is plugged into the
cable network. Get the modem installed and paid for it with the
supplies budget. If everything in your office is IP based, you should
be able to access LAN services while being invisible to IT. If not, a
PCI ethernet card should give you access to both networks since all
Macs have ethernet built in. Or, if your Macs are new enough, do this
without wires using AirPort.
Leave your old Macworld and MacAddict magazines in the restroom or
the break room.
Whenever you fix a PC user's computer, delete Solitaire.
Hoard discarded parts in an unused storeroom. Be the person people
go to when they lose a mouse ball, keyboard key, or need a floppy
disk.
Be really good at your job, and you might get away with having a Mac
despite IT's best efforts. Like the guy who wears Hawaiian shirts every
day instead of just on Fridays, you might be tolerated just because
you're needed.
Got any more good subversive tactics to use in the modern era? Drop
me a note, and I'll collect them for a future column.
Jeff Adkins is a
science teacher who isn't afraid to state his preferences in computing
platforms. In his classroom he has everything from a Quadra 700 to a 500 MHz CD/R-CD/RW iMac,
and they all work together nicely. He also writes Mac Lab Report for Low
End Mac. and maintains a site for astronomy teachers at www.AstronomyTeacher.com.
