Microsoft's Business Plans Affected by Weather, says
researcher
University of Manitoba, Canada: Researchers here have determined
exactly why Microsoft's products have frequent security issues, cause
untold problems when installing new software and hardware, and why
Redmond has instituted a series of new, unpopular policies that only
a monopolist could get away with (such as expirations on Office XP
software and Passport Privacy Tracking).
Forget the conspiracy theories, the inside stories of rivalry
between Bill Gates and former pal Steve Jobs, the rumors of Bill's
secret desire to win back respect lost as a high school teenager -
all those theories are washed away by the conclusions drawn by
Quinton Moebius, senior computer science professor at M.U.C.
"It's the low barometric pressure," according to Moebius.
According to Moebius, the poor weather in Seattle (and nearby
Redmond) is caused by a near-perpetual low-pressure system in the
American Northwest, which draws cold arctic air from the north and
warm air from the ocean, causing the supersaturated arctic air to
condense into clouds, fog, rain, drizzle, sleet, mist, haze, snow,
frost, dew, and condensation on the interior of car windshields. It
contributes to generally overcast skies.
"Studies also show that months of cloudy weather contribute to
poor worker efficiency, depression, and even higher rates of suicide
than can be attributed to working for the world's largest illegal
monopoly," said Moebius.
This low air pressure cannot be alleviated, mainly because we
don't have the technology. "The simplest solution is for Microsoft to
move to Arizona - or maybe New Mexico," said Moebius. "The change
would do them good." One possible downside: Bill Gates' enormous
home. "They'll need to float it down south on an iceberg or
something," said Moebius. "I wouldn't put it past him."
Officials for Microsoft did not return messages in time to be
included in this story, but a spokesperson for the company's snack
machine vendor, Claude Leatherbottom, did acknowledge that there
might be something to the story. "My ears pop every time I go near
Redmond," he said.
"Microsoft doesn't suck," concluded Leatherbottom. "It just
experiences extremely low air pressure."
iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13.
"What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
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October 13 in LEM history: 98: Evidence that Macs last longer - 99: A Mac is like Prozac - From home computers to a real computer - 00: Tradeoffs for OS X beta - 03: iBook failures - 05: The 2005 iMac G5 value equation - Email on your iPod - OS X on 4 dual-core CPUs - 06: The legendary Apple Extended Keyboard - Stinky old iBook smells like sweat - Apple's climb back to success
Best Mac Pro Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 10.10.
Used 2.66 GHz 4-core, $1,799; new, $1,949 after rebate; 2.8 4-core, $2,099 shipped; 8-core, $2,599 shipped; 3.0 $3,399 shipped; 3.2, $4,099 shipped.
Best PowerBook G3 Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 10.10.
Used 14" WallStreet G3/266 MHz, $90; Lombard G3/400 MHz, $150; Pismo G3/400 MHz, $300; 500 MHz, $350.
Best Time Capsule and AirPort Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 10.10.
Refurb 500 GB Time Capsule, $249; new, $294; refurb 1 TB, $419; new, $462; AirPort Extreme Card, $39; Base Station, $159; Express, $60.
Modding Your Old Mac to Make It More Useful, Phil Herlihy, The Usefulness Equation, 10.09.
If your old Mac is too slow, too noisy, too plain looking, or has too little room for expansion, you might want to mod it.
Best iMac G4 Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 10.09.
Used 15" 700 MHz CD-RW, $269; 800 Combo, $300; 1 GHz, $390; 17" 1.25 GHz SuperDrive, $400; 20", $529.
Best 15" MacBook Pro Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 10.09.
Used 1.83 GHz Core Duo, $995; 2.16, $1,125; new, 2.2, $1,400 after rebate; refurb 2.4, $1,699; 2.5, $1,999; 2.6, $2,299; rebates on new.
Best Mac OS X 10.4 'Tiger' Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 10.09.
DVD upgrade from 10.3, $75; upgrade bundle with 10.3, $118; full version, $129; family pack, $200; 10-user Server, $350; unlimited, $400.
Migrating My Law Office from Windows to Macintosh, Andrew J Fishkin, Best Tools for the Job, 10.08.
By switching to Leopard Server, everyone in the office will be able to move to a Mac - but which ones will best meet their needs?
Low End Mac Needs Help Moving to Joomla, Dan Knight, Mac Musings, 10.08.
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