The Lite Side

You Get What You Pay For

- 2002.08.13

The end of the free lunch that you paid $99 for back when it was a "feature" of OS 9 - and we all know what I'm talking about here - reminded me that we should count our blessings. Things could be worse.

How much worse? You'll find out when you read the Lite Side's

You Get What You Pay For

#10. "And one more thing," said Mr. Jobs. "For $10, I'll tell you some of the next Insanely Great Ideas I have."

These ideas include...

#9. Macs will now come with no buttons on their mice. If you want a button or two, you'll have to pay extra. (Oh wait - that one's real.)

#8. Users of pre-Power Macs will have to buy a new Mac to access Apple's support pages and software downloads for System 7 software. Software downloads of all types will now work only with OS X, so you'll download on your X machine and transfer the files (somehow) to your older machine.

#7. That little smiley Mac on the startup screen will now require an annual royalty payment proportional to the number of times you (re)boot your machine.

#6. If I had a nickel for every minute you waited on that spinning rainbow cursor - oh, wait, now I do have a nickel for every minute you waited. Starting September 1, you can join our premium program and cut your wait time in half!

#5. All software updates start with a base price of $29.99. Starting tomorrow there will be five software updates a day.

#4. QuickTime Pro users now have to subscribe and pay for just getting access to their own software. No upgrades included or required!

#3. We'll pay you $300 for switching from a PC; if you're a Mac user already, go out and buy an expensive eMachines computer, and you'll still come out ahead in the deal.

#2. All the iApps will now cost you money. Here are the prices:

  • iTools, $99 per year
  • iPhoto, $15 per version
  • iMovie, $998.99 one time purchase per version
  • iCal, we pay you $30 until the bugs are worked out
  • iSpit $149 first offense, $79 each offense thereafter
  • iSync Therefore I Yam, $10 per Sync.

#1. After a long wait, Mac users can finally rejoice! We're breaking the 2 GHz barrier - and it's only going to cost you $1 per KHz!

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