The Lite Side

Apple Loyal to Big Apple

Beleaguered IDG Bans Mac Maker from Macworld

Apple Banned from Boston

Apple-IDG Spat Confuses Everyone

- 2002.10.22

NEW YORK - In a near-Infinite Loop of twisted tragedy, Apple Computer has managed to make what Goes Around Come Around and bite itself in the....

Hold on, hold on, wrong intro.

BOSTON - Mystified officials in the Boston Metro area have found themselves caught up in a twisted tale of terminal technocracy....

Wait. Wait. Let me start over.

CUPERTINO - Officials from Apple Computer refused to comment on the latest debacle surrounding the formerly beleaguered but now minuscule computer maker....

You know, the hardest part of writing these parody news releases is the fact there are so many good openings. It's difficult to know which one I should be using.

I mean, do you go with the irony of Apple being banned from MWSF by the same running lap dogs who pulled rumor sites' press passes (and some non-rumor site passes, too) last summer? What happened here, did IDG suddenly grow a backbone? You go, IDG.

Or is it better to focus on the tit-for-tat he-said, she-said sort of soap opera theatrics we've been put through the past few days? Leave the whole rumor-banning thing out of it, but concentrate on the bad manners and rude comments each side has been lobbing at each other and at Boston in general?

That could be good . . . a soap opera script . . . hmmm....

There's even the befuddled tourism director and mayor of Boston angle, two folks who must be totally mystified at this bizarre turn of events. Sure, cities have to negotiate, bid, compete for these large convention contracts. But I'm sure they've never seen a situation like this, where the reasons for the competition are either obscure or, more likely, some personal quirk of the CEO in charge of the biggest fish in the pan. Must be one of those "out of left field" quote generating situations. A simulated press conference or a sitcom?

So many choices, so little time.

Maybe I'll just go with the "beleaguered humor columnist" angle, and let it go at that.

ANTIOCH, California - Humor columnist Jeff Adkins freaks out and gives up trying to come up with a funny spin to the "Macworld New York Boston Phreak Out" affair and therefore writes an insipid column about how hard it is to write a satirical article about a situation far more satirical than any humor columnist could dream up.

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