NEW YORK - In a near-Infinite Loop of twisted tragedy, Apple
Computer has managed to make what Goes Around Come Around and bite
itself in the....
Hold on, hold on, wrong intro.
BOSTON - Mystified officials in the Boston Metro area have found
themselves caught up in a twisted tale of terminal technocracy....
Wait. Wait. Let me start over.
CUPERTINO - Officials from Apple Computer refused to comment on the
latest debacle surrounding the formerly beleaguered but now minuscule
computer maker....
You know, the hardest part of writing these parody news releases is
the fact there are so many good openings. It's difficult to know which
one I should be using.
I mean, do you go with the irony of Apple being banned from MWSF by
the same running lap dogs who pulled rumor sites' press passes (and
some non-rumor site passes, too) last summer? What happened here, did
IDG suddenly grow a backbone? You go, IDG.
Or is it better to focus on the tit-for-tat he-said, she-said sort
of soap opera theatrics we've been put through the past few days? Leave
the whole rumor-banning thing out of it, but concentrate on the bad
manners and rude comments each side has been lobbing at each other and
at Boston in general?
That could be good . . . a soap opera script
. . . hmmm....
There's even the befuddled tourism director and mayor of Boston
angle, two folks who must be totally mystified at this bizarre turn of
events. Sure, cities have to negotiate, bid, compete for these large
convention contracts. But I'm sure they've never seen a situation like
this, where the reasons for the competition are either obscure or, more
likely, some personal quirk of the CEO in charge of the biggest fish in
the pan. Must be one of those "out of left field" quote generating
situations. A simulated press conference or a sitcom?
So many choices, so little time.
Maybe I'll just go with the "beleaguered humor columnist" angle, and
let it go at that.
ANTIOCH, California - Humor columnist Jeff Adkins freaks out and gives
up trying to come up with a funny spin to the "Macworld New
York Boston Phreak Out" affair and therefore writes an insipid
column about how hard it is to write a satirical article about a
situation far more satirical than any humor columnist could dream up.
