How could we resist, after the shining examples laid down by Redmond
in the "Fake Switcher" fiasco
and more recently the "Butterfly Backfire"?
Over here at the Lite Side, we have to predict the next blunder
Microsoft makes in advertising - after all,
they even steal their advertising ideas.
Since that's true, they might as well steal some of my ideas for the
Lite Side's
Future Advertising Blunders by Microsoft
10 Microsoft rents a blimp with a giant
MSN butterfly on the side, which they intentionally crash into a
Superbowl crowd (inspired by the book Black Sunday) for the additional
exposure. Microsoft later apologizes and gives a leftover copy of
Windows Me to the families of victims.
9 Microsoft pays motorists to speed and
get pulled over for it, then display an MSN logo on the roofs of their
cars as all the looky-looks drive by (inspired by Bay Area traffic).
Microsoft later apologizes and pays the advertising costs for the
evening news reporting the fiasco.
8 Microsoft purchases a midsize
designer housewares company, then puts the corporate logo on all of the
labels, just before conducting insider trading that puts the company in
the news every evening (inspired by Martha Stewart). Microsoft later
apologizes and reduces the size of towels, establishing a new industry
standard.
7 Microsoft joins with Disney to create
a new Disney cartoon, Clippy the Bendable and his adorable animal
sidekick, the Tack, which looks remarkably like a guy wearing a big
blue suit (inspired by The Tick). Microsoft later apologizes and
removes Clippy - while leaving Tack intact.
6 Microsoft pays two idiots to drive
around town smashing things, hoping it will turn into a canceled TV
show and a low-budget movie (inspired by Jackass). Microsoft invites
the stars of the show to a lunch at the corporate headquarters, then
sues them for breaking a stained-glass coffee table shaped like a
butterfly (of course, the whole thing is captured on video for the six
o'clock news and for use in court).
5 Microsoft sponsors a gangsta rap
musician who, unknown to them, creates a song that says "busta
blue/screen of death to you/Gonna smash a screen/unnastan what I mean"
(inspired by any Fox News report of rap music). Microsoft holds a press
conference to apologize, but no one can understand what they say.
4 Microsoft gives away thousands of MSN
CD-ROMs, each of which contains a tiny electronic circuit that explodes
when the disk is inserted into a non-Windows computer - or a Win 98 or
older machine (inspired by reports of exploding disks in 48x CD
drives). Microsoft apologizes, then offers to recycle AOL CD-ROMs by
grinding them up to make new MSN CD-ROMs. Everyone cheers for a
while.
3 Microsoft decides to cripple the Mac
version of its software by making some important component of each
product incompatible or nonfunctional with its enterprise scaled
products - for example, Mac users cannot construct a multiple-choice
response memo on an Outlook server (inspired by Trustworthy Computing).
Microsoft doesn't apologize but rather points to all the people who
haven't purchased its crippled product.
2 Microsoft pays Safeway and Kroger to
allow butterflies to be plastered on the floor of your local grocer.
The sticky side of the butterflies are aimed upward, so it sticks to
your shoe as a constant reminder to try MSN (inspired by their own ad
campaign in NY). Microsoft apologizes and offers to replace your shoes
with Air MSN sneakers.
1 Microsoft offers to handle payment
transaction s for online purchases, then sets up your account to
automatically pay for MSN by way of a "service fee" automatically
charged to your account (inspired by PayPal and AOL). Microsoft
apologizes, keeps charging the fee, and throws in a CD that explodes if
inserted in a non-XP computer to help heal the wound.
