Fast on the heels of Ambrosia Software's
announcement by Tom Anthony that the Mac gaming company is porting a
"couple" of its Mac-only titles to the PC comes the surprise
announcement that Redmond plans to purchase the popular game company.
Microsoft spokesman Aaron Newhouse said in a hurriedly prepared
statement that "...we're very excited by the games we've seen under
development at Ambrosia, including that Terminal Velocity: Supernova
thing."
The adaptation of Microsoft's new flat-panel handheld computer
operating system, called Microsoft Tabular™, to a gaming system
is underway, according to Newhouse. "We want Terminal Speed: Supernova
to be the showcase application for our new Tabular gaming lap console,
which we are rolling out next week."
According to Microsoft, the new gaming system will be called the
Zbox™, and will consist of a Tabular PC™ with a USB
joystick glued to one of the ports. "Of course, regular Xbox™ and
Mac users will be provided with an incompatible version of, uh,
Specific Gravity: Supernova about forty-three months after the
Tabular™ version comes out," stated Newhouse.
Hackers on the Internet are already posting instructions on how to
purchase the solvent necessary to remove the "lame" joystick that ships
with the Tabular™ and replace it with something that has more
buttons than a human hand. "We can't wait to get our hands on
Projectile Velocity: Superluminal," said one 'leet haxor in an
uncharacteristically lucid posting.
When asked if the purchase of Ambrosia software had any connection
to Microsoft's desire to limit access to Mac users and its eventual
plans to turn Bill Gates into the Hegemon of the World™, Newhouse
said, "We're very committed to the Mac version of Terminal Connection:
Superficial for the Mac, and you just wait and see, we're going to make
the Xbox™ players cry for their little mamas because they don't
have this wonderful game by Ambergris Software."
When informed that the Xbox is made by Microsoft and asked about the
possible conflict of interest within the company, Newhouse responded to
a call waiting beep and could not again be reached for comment.
