How could we resist, after the shining examples laid down by Redmond
in the "Fake Switcher" fiasco and now the "Butterfly Backfire?" Over
here at the Lite Side, we have to predict the next blunder Microsoft
makes in advertising - after all,
they even steal their advertising ideas. Since that's true,
they might as well steal some of my ideas for the Lite Side's
Future Advertising Blunders by Microsoft
#10. Microsoft rents a blimp with a giant MSN butterfly on
the side, which they intentionally crash into a Superbowl crowd
(inspired by the book Black Sunday) for the additional exposure.
Microsoft later apologizes and gives a leftover copy of Windows Me to
the families of victims.
#9. Microsoft pays motorists to speed and get pulled over for
it, then display an MSN logo on the roofs of their cars as all the
looky-looks drive by (inspired by Bay Area traffic). Microsoft later
apologizes and pays the advertising costs for the evening news
reporting the fiasco.
#8. Microsoft purchases a midsize designer housewares
company, then puts the corporate logo on all of the labels, just before
conducting insider trading that puts the company in the news every
evening (inspired by Martha Stewart). Microsoft later apologizes and
reduces the size of towels, establishing a new industry standard.
#7. Microsoft joins with Disney to create a new Disney
cartoon, Clippy the Bendable and his adorable animal sidekick, the
Tack, which looks remarkably like a guy wearing a big blue suit
(inspired by The Tick). Microsoft later apologizes and removes Clippy -
while leaving Tack intact.
#6. Microsoft pays two idiots to drive around town smashing
things, hoping it will turn into a canceled TV show and a low-budget
movie (inspired by Jackass). Microsoft invites the stars of the show to
a lunch at the corporate headquarters, then sues them for breaking a
stained-glass coffee table shaped like a butterfly (of course, the
whole thing is captured on video for the six o'clock news and for use
in court).
#5. Microsoft sponsors a gangsta rap musician who, unknown to
them, creates a song that says "busta blue/screen of death to you/Gonna
smash a screen/unnastan what I mean" (inspired by any Fox News report
of rap music). Microsoft holds a press conference to apologize, but no
one can understand what they say.
#4. Microsoft gives away thousands of MSN CD-ROMs, each of
which contains a tiny electronic circuit that explodes when the disk is
inserted into a non-Windows computer - or a Win 98 or older machine
(inspired by reports of exploding disks in 48x CD drives). Microsoft
apologizes, then offers to recycle AOL CD-ROMs by grinding them up to
make new MSN CD-ROMs. Everyone cheers for a while.
#3. Microsoft decides to cripple the Mac version of its
software by making some important component of each product
incompatible or nonfunctional with its enterprise scaled products - for
example, Mac users cannot construct a multiple-choice response memo on
an Outlook server (inspired by Trustworthy Computing). Microsoft
doesn't apologize but rather points to all the people who haven't
purchased its crippled product.
#2. Microsoft pays Safeway and Kroger to allow butterflies to
be plastered on the floor of your local grocer. The sticky side of the
butterflies are aimed upward, so it sticks to your shoe as a constant
reminder to try MSN (inspired by their own ad campaign in NY).
Microsoft apologizes and offers to replace your shoes with Air MSN
sneakers.
#1. Microsoft offers to handle transaction payments for
online purchases, then sets up your account to automatically pay for
MSN by way of a "service fee" charged automatically to your account
(inspired by PayPal and AOL). Microsoft apologizes, keeps charging the
fee, and throws in a CD which explodes if inserted in a non-XP computer
to help heal the wound.
