I've been following the threads on Slashdot and other sites about
the Windows world's first experiences with iTunes. Almost everyone
claims this is Apple's first piece of Windows software, forgetting
QuickTime, AppleWorks, and Filemaker Pro, various printer drivers, and
God knows what else.
If you read for a while you'll see that the reactions are falling
roughly into two camps:
- It works great, is easy to use, but seems a little slow in ripping
and/or burning.
- It's causing my system to lock up/freeze/slow down beyond all human
imagination.
To help out those poor Windows users who can't find anything to hate
in iTunes, I thought I'd offer up my own list of stuff they can adopt
in their scathing reviews with the Lite Side's
Notes for Windows Users Who Want to Hate iTunes
- iTunes does not start with a CaPitAL leTter. This slows me down
when I type ITunes and have to go back and retype the lowercase "i."
This probably explains why my computer is running slower.
- iTunes does not use the 9th button functionality of my mouse, the
one I have to push with my tongue while crossing my fingers over the
multi-level multi-button interface on the bottom of the mouse.
- iTunes does not run on the aging 75 MHz Pentium machine I keep in
my closet. It doesn't even run when the computer is not plugged in, if
you can believe that. Real software runs even when the computer isn't
even on, like Windows Media Player Mine (Imagine B.G. screeching "Mine!
Mine! Mine!" and you'll get the joke), which is running . . .
everywhere . . . all the time.
- I cannot simultaneously rip, burn, download, play Unreal
Tournament, and write code. Obviously, this is because iTunes is
slow.
- I have to restart my computer to use iTunes. No real software
requires a restart, and I resent having to interrupt the burning of my
"Full House" soundtrack CD.
- iTunes does not allow me to burn hundreds of CDs simultaneously on
the bank of burners I have installed in the basement. Now my investment
in hundreds of blank CD-R labels will be for nought.
- My cousin's indy band's only album, consisting of 3-1/2 tracks of
more-or-less unintelligible gobbling, is not for sale at the iTMS. Oh
wait, that's an advantage. Now I'm going to have to find some other
no-name band to declare my favorite just because it hasn't sold out and
tried to, you know, make money on its life work.
- I have to use a credit card for the service. If Steve Jobs really
wanted to convince me to use this software, he would give away the
tracks for free, like on the tops of soda bottles or something.
- I'd rather run iTunes on the Mac OS ported over to Intel hardware.
As we all know, Mac OS on Intel is Apple's Only Hope. Help me, Obi-Wan,
you're Apple's Only Hope. Help me, Obi-Wan, you're Apple's Only Hope
(sound of wrench hitting metal).
- I'm a klepto and refuse to pay for anything I can steal. I only
listen to music I don't own. If they charged for downloading iTunes,
then maybe it'd be worth downloading for free.
Armed with these handy complaints, Windows users can rest easy that
iTunes won't take over the world - or at least garner 97% of the market
- leaving them marginalized in a world of people listening to music
untainted by the Scourge that is Redmond.
