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The Lite Side

Apple Introduces KiloMac, World's Largest Computer

- 2003.12.02

CUPERTINO - Apple computer (RED DELICIOUS) of Cupertino announced today the introduction of the world's first 1000-inch all-in-one computer, the brand new "KiloMac." Following close on the heels of the recent introduction of the 20" iMac, the new KiloMac has the largest screen of any all-in-one computer - in fact, the largest screen of any personal computer ever made.

"This thing is just phenomenal," said iCEO Steve Jobs at the product rollout in San Francisco's Ripley's Believe it Or Don't Museum near Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, California, the state which is the home of the world-famous Governor.

"I mean, look at this. It's as big as a movie theater screen. It's bigger than the tallest man who ever lived. It's bigger than the Cardiff giant or the three-headed goat exhibit. I mean, this is hotter than that exhibit that makes you make faces in a mirror which people outside the museum can secretly observe you doing even though you don't know they're watching."

On hand to introduce the KiloMac was performer Weird Al Yankovic, who recently announced that all the sucky songs from the back sides of his early albums would be soon available for rabid fans to purchase on the iTunes Music Store. "This thing is so big that you can watch the Simpsons from 30 blocks away," crooned Yankovic. "My God, Robert DeNiro's mole has gotta be 5 feet wide."

The traditional hemispherical base of recent iMacs is not large enough to support the 1000" (that's over 83 feet or 25 meters!) flat-screen monitor suspended by a brushed-aluminum crane above the user's home. A new base design utilizing a 15' hemispherical shell from MMI Corporation will now serve as the base of the computer.

To insert a CD-ROM, users open a hatch in the side of the base, walk inside, and insert the CD-ROM in one of a bank of 40 players found inside. The computer contains 420 nVidia graphics cards, a speaker system 12' tall, and one USB port, about 8 feet up on the back of the dome.

This website shows a picture of the base of the KiloMac under construction.

"We're proud and excited to roll out this new product," said Jobs. "It comes standard with 100 foot FireWire cable, ethernet-enabled remote access software so you can operate it from far enough away to actually see the screen, and a Volkswagen iMouse you can detach from the computer and drive around to do little errands and stuff. I mean, just look at it. Just look. And look and look and look. This is a whole new thing, I mean no one is doing it but us."

Apple Computer ignited the personal computing revolution with the "eMate" hybrid PC and Newton sometime in the 1990s. Then the Revolution tanked at the box office, so Apple had to dry it out and light it again with an iMac.

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