The Lite Side

Badtimes Virus Warning

author unknown - 2004.02.25

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it.

This one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive; it will also delete anything on disks (hard or floppy) within 20 feet of your computer.

It will demagnetize the stripes on alll of your credit cards, debit cards, ATM cards, and anyy other IDs you maay have with magnetic data. It also screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all your beer. (For God's sake, man, are you listening?) It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense, and incorporate undetectable misspellings that grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

It will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also replace your skim milk with whole milk (or vice versa).


If you don't send this to 5,000 people in the next 20 seconds, the wind will change direction and you'll be stuck with all the consequences of the virus until the next blue moon. LEM

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