The Lite Side

iPod, Therefore iAm

René Descartes and - 2004.06.07

As it turns out, Apple Computer had some significant inspiration when developing its hot music player, the iPod.

Recently discovered writings of the famed music critic René Descartes reveals that the initial concept for the music player was developed long ago.

What follows is a translation of the original document, feign brought to you by the Lite Side, that we like to call

iPod, Therefore iAm

I had long since remarked that in matters of music it is necessary sometimes to follow opinions known to be uncertain, as if they were not subject to doubt; but, because now I was desirous to devote myself to the search after the perfect portable music player, I considered that I must do just the contrary and reject as absolutely false everything concerning which I could hear the least static to exist.

Thus, because our sense of hearing sometimes deceives us, I would suppose that nothing is such as they make us to imagine it; and because I was as likely to err as another in the adjustment of my graphic equalizer, I rejected as false all the reasons which I had formerly accepted as demonstrative; and finally, considering that all the sounds we hear when awake can be heard by us also when we sleep without any of them being in tune, I resolved to feign that everything which had ever entered my ear had no more fidelity than the illusion of my dreams.

But I observed that, while I was thus resolved to feign that everything the advertising claimed was false, I who thought must of necessity be somewhat; and remarking this truth - iPod, therefore iAm - was so firm and so assured that all the most extravagant suppositions of the skeptics were unable to shake it, I judged that I could unhesitatingly accept it as the first principle of the philosophy I was seeking. I could feign that there was no music, I could not feign that I did not want an iPod. And I judged that I might take it as a general rule that the things which we hear very clearly and very distinctly are all true, and that the only difficulty lies in the way of discerning which those things are that we hear distinctly.

With apologies to René Descartes and his Discourse on Method.

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