The Lite Side

Microsoft Follows Apple's Lead, Splits into Two Divisions

- 2004.06.16

REDMOND - Under direction of Chairman Bill Gates, and apparently inspired by the example recently set by Apple Computer, Microsoft (MSFT) has announced it will split the software giant's operations into two divisions. Profit-generating programs will henceforth be known as Microsoft Go!, and "emerging" technologies will be collected under the moniker Microsoft Whoa!!!A+++

This effectively divides the company as follows:

Microsoft Go!

  • Microsoft Windows (XP Pro, XP Home, XP PDQ, XP Lode, XP Ensive, and the Old and Busted Windows Versions)
  • Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access, Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Double-Click)
  • Flight Simulator
  • Halo: Combat Appropriated

Microsoft Whoa!!!A++++

  • Xbox
  • Tablets I-V and VI through X
  • Windows CE/Pocket PC
  • Hotmail
  • Online music store
  • MSN
  • MSNBC
  • Exchange (all forms)
  • An Extremely Import@nt OfFe R THat Orig YNATUD from HOTORNOT mail
  • Visual C-flat Not-Net
  • Wireless Optical Desktop Networking Pro Mouse and IEEE 1394 Keyboard

...and everything else

A spokesperson for Microsoft did not return emails seeking comment on this new organizational shift, as her Hotmail account got accidentally deleted without a backup.

Industry insiders predict that Gates will assume direct control of Microsoft Go! and will delegate management of Microsoft Whoa!!!A+++ to Steve Ballmer, in retaliation for the bad press surrounding the infamous "Monkeyboy" video.

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