Apple to Market 79¢ sMac

- 2005.01.07

CUPERTINO. Apple's attempt to increase its market share by opening the low end of the market - an unsubstantiated rumor now in it's third generation of retelling and told so often that the rumor sites are now reporting on mainstream news outlets reporting on the original rumor from the rumor sites - has sparked a frenzy of ideas at the California computer maker.

Among the trial balloons being launched like doves in a spaghetti western is the idea that to obtain the really really really low end market (such dollar stores and Big Lots!), and thus open themselves up to the largest untapped segment of the marketplace, Apple will begin marketing a 79¢ Mac.

That's right, a 79¢ (not 79 dollars - 79 cents!) Mac.

The sMac will be available at fine retailers including Apple Stores, Walmart, 7-Eleven, and the little snack stores attached to gas stations. You can also order one from the the Apple Store Online, where it will be available immediately after you read this press release.

An sMac will be included free with the purchase of every other Mac, including iBooks, iMacs, eMacs, PowerBooks, and Power Macintosh computers. It is also included with the iSight, Keynote, the little adapter thing you buy so you can actually use your flat panel display, any purchase of an album from the iTunes Music Store - and all .mac subscribers will receive sixteen of them in the mail.

Your new sMac will look almost exactly like the computer you already have, so you'll already be familiar with it. It will have the same hard drive, the same mouse, the same display, and the same hard drive. Even the contents of the hard drive will be identical to your old computer.

When you get your new sMac, it will come in a shiny Mylar® enclosure that you must remove. A protective cardboard insert will ensure no damage comes to your sMac when you unwrap it.

As with all Apple products, the packaging is an invitation to try the product, so a faint whiff of Forest Glen will accompany the opening of the protective cover, which is impervious to all visible light as well as dihydrogen oxide leaks.

sMacs come in a variety of colors. The packaging does not tell the color of the sMac within, so you may need to purchase several if you want to have a specific color. Dealers will have identical quantities of all colors and will not receive additional shipments their inventory is sold out.

The sMac will be available in Great Britain sometime in 2007, where it will cost 439 shillings or 42 pounds, whichever is greater.

The sMac will be available in Snow White, Golden Delicious, Sour Apple Green, Candy Apple Red, Mac-genta, I've Got the Blues, and Steve Jobs' Mock Turtleneck Black.

To initialize your sMac, simply peel off the backing paper and apply the sMac to the computer you already own.

Now you can own a Mac without paying a premium to Redmond or Cupertino or anywhere else.

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