- 2005.01.20
In the
beginning was the transistor, and the transistor was electronics,
and electronics were good. The transistor begat the gate, and the
gate begat the chip, and the chip begat the computer.
In those days computers were void and without form. Then came
operating systems, which begat languages, and the languages were
many upon the world, and the computers and programs could not talk
to one another. It was a veritable Babel.
In the tallest tower of Babeling there came upon the mind of one
of the Angels of Computation the idea that he should be the
greatest angel of them all. And so he began to accumulate companies
as a shift register doth accumulate its bits. His Gates were not of
pearl but instead were stacks of greenbacks.
In those days it was still possible for inventive people to find
new ways to talk to their operating systems, and there were
companies that did spend their entire R&D budget on
technologies they were nought to deploy.
Through the random operations of Chaos did they come together,
and the inventive people took what was offered to them for a
pitiable stack of greenbacks, and lo! it was GUI. And it was
good.
The inventive people did plant the GUI fruit in the land of
Kali-4-nee-uh, and it did take upon the ground and began to spread
throughout the land.
Soon upon the tallest tower there descended a gloom, whereupon
they said, "Here is a competitor, let us accumulate it. We shall
pluck this Fruit from the Tree of GUI, and sweet will be the juices
that run upon our face."
Through many trials and tribulations they did try, but in the
end all the Babeling succeeded in doing was mimicking the GUI, and
poorly did they mimic it. But the tallest tower could cast its
warez as far as it could see, and that was mightily far indeed, for
they did cast a pall upon any executive who did not buy from the
Ivory Towers of Babeling.
Wherefore any noble, clerk, or the lowliest desk-jockey would
deign use the GUI fruit, the Ivory Towers of Babeling would descend
upon them, saying, "Eat nought of the GUI fruit, and I will make
thee rich beyond compare."
And lo! the many did believe these false stories and did indeed
give up user friendliness in despair in their desperate search for
the One True Solution That Makes One Rich.
So successful were they that the inventive ones set to casting
their own asunder, yea, even those who had come up with the idea in
the first place.
Thus came the Dark Times, when the GUI fruit became spoiled and
slow and, yea, smelly unto those who would still dare to use it;
all the fruit lost its color and became beige.
Still, a few believers kept The Fruit alive in garages and lofts
and sub-sub-basement workshops, in newspaper offices and studios
and places of learning, and in foreign countries whose opinions
mattered nought to the Ivory Towers of Babeling.
And in those days there was one known as Johnny Appleseed, who
had been cast from the GUI fruit garden for his foul temperament
and combative ways in the Dark Times. He did wander across the
desert for many years, traveling from one place to the NeXT, but
finally, when the Dark Times were at their worst, he saw his
opportunity and was inspired by the GUI goodness of The Fruit and
came back to the light.
Whereupon the fruit GUI regained its color and grew again upon
the land; the Ivory Tower was forced to begin anew and try other
kinds of bitter fruit, such as the grapefruit which groweth in the
Dell.
Colors burst upon the land so even toasters and conveyances and
hairbrushes began to glow with the colors of the GUI fruit.
This angered the Angel of the Tower, and he did cast about,
looking for a proxy, and found one living in the Dell. And the
angel of the Dell began to whisper to the people, verily, saying,
"This GUI fruit is no good: It is rotten, and it is expensive
beyond compare. You shall lose your job, flies will surround your
dog, and your ventures will fail - all because you were tempted by
The Fruit."
Forsooth, the Dell did even remove all the color from the fruit
of its labor, and perforce black fruit came to spread across the
land, sold at cut rate prices with no middling man to taketh his
cut, and the prices did fall as the coconut upon the beach of a
mildly temperate resort hotel.
Upon the GUI fruit trees a new kind of fruit was found, hanging
in a Pod underneath a limb, and Johnny Appleseed did say to
himself, "This is interesting." And cracking the fruit, he did find
music filling the air, sweet music to accompany the color and juice
of the GUI fruit.
Thereupon Johnny did have another Idea and did produce new
fruits in great quantities, shipping them far and wide, giving them
to the rich and famous in little bags under their chairs, and
everyone who tasted the fruit and heard the music and said, "It is
good."
Soon all were carrying bits of fruit in their pockets, which
were cleverly concealed in white to distinguish them both from The
Fruit and the black trees of the Dell, and all who partook of them
wanted more.
This begat the battle of the press releases, whereupon the tiny
Pods grown in the Dell withered on the vine and did die, and the
dark angel, the proxy of the Tower, did say the white Pods were but
a fad and should be cast out.
But lo! no one did listen, and this story has not reached an
end.
