- 2005.08.17
London,
Aug. 13 (UPI) - Microsoft's Bill Gates claims that Apple is
violating a patent Microsoft holds on how menu selection in music
players work.
Saskatchewan, Aug. 17 (Reuters) - Apple Computer shows a patent
on the Blue Screen of Death, claiming the background color of its
Aqua interface is patented, whereas the Blue Screen of Death never
was.
Texarkana, Aug. 30 (Your Aunt Millie) - Aunt Millie testifies in
a trial that she cannot tell the difference between Mac OS X's
Spotlight function and the Window with a View™ in Windows
Leghorn.
Salinas, Sept. 4 (MSN) - Apple claims Microsoft is violating its
patent on having a computer understand that when a disk is ejected,
the computer is actually aware of the fact.
Nome, Sept. 15 (Daily Show) - Microsoft thinks that Apple is
violating its patent on useless buttons on mice. Steve Jobs
reportedly says, "Umm . . . not so much."
Moose Jaw, Sept. 17(CBS) - Secret documents obtained by CBS show
that Bill Gates has patented the monopoly, and on that basis the
iPod is illegal.
Austin, Sept. 18 (Fox) - We present both sides of the ongoing
War on Patents with Steve "Monkeyboy" Ballmer vs. the manager of
the Stone Cold Austin Apple Store in a winner-takes-all,
no-holds-barred cage match.
New York, Oct 5 (UPN) - Patent Office, a new UPN comedy
set in the US Patent Office, is criticized for both having a
disproportionately high number of minorities compared to the real
Patent Office and for taking a decidedly pro-Linux stance on the
Patent Wars, rendering the show irrelevant to everyone except
Haitian sysadmins in patent offices.
Hazard, Dec. 15 (NBC) - Tired of explaining that Hazard,
Kentucky, is only spelled with one "Z," the Mayor of Hazard
declares that the City of Hazard is requesting a special version of
Office 98 that automatically subtracts the extra "z." Apple claims
it already has a patent on this feature, so Microsoft will have to
wait until 2012, when Hazard city officials will finally upgrade to
Windows XP to make the fix.
Newark (PAX) - Microsoft claims a patent on the letter Q on
computer keyboards . . . something to do with "quit."
Quetzcoatl (Univision) - Apple shows prior art on folder icons
which are open.
East St. Louis (NY Times) - Microsoft says it invented icons and
calls Apple out.
Seattle (MSNBC) - Apple counters that it invented the
alphabet.
Atlanta (CNN) - Microsoft invented writing.
London (Reuters) - Apple started with cave paintings.
Redmond (Redmond Times) - Microsoft made a mark with a stick on
the ground. Crowds cheer the patent attorney.
Cupertino (SF Gate) - Apple made footprints on a beach before
Microsoft invented water.
What's the point of this little exercise?
The farther into the future we go, the farther back in the past
we wind up.
