The Lite Side

50 Things To Do with a Broken Dell Optiplex Computer

- 2005.11.02

I'm not one to gloat - well, really, I guess I am - so when I read recently that Dell is missing its sales forecast predictions two quarters running, well, I just couldn't help myself - I emitted a Dilbertian Buh-WAH-HAHAHA! as I set down to write

50 Things To Do with a Broken Dell Optiplex Computer

based on the article linked below, which states, "In addition to dropping sales, Dell said that it would take a US$450 million charge to replace broken Optiplex desktops and restructure its workforce." $300 million of that is for onsite replacement of failed Optiplex GX270 and GX280 motherboards.

What do you do with a bazillion broken Optiplexi?

  1. Doorstop.
  2. Planter.
  3. Stand for Macquarium.
  4. Heat sink for quad G4 processor.
  5. Hot dog warmer.
  6. Two words: toaster oven.
  7. Add a nice country comforter and use it for a foot warmer.
  8. Hollow out the inside and use it as a bedpan.
  9. Shelf organizer for broken Dell keyboards.
  10. Break up the letters in "Optiplex" and use them to spell real words.
  11. Finally lift your PowerBook off the desk and put it at proper ergonomic height.
  12. Did I say doorstop? How about footstool? Yeah, let's go with that. Footstool.
  13. Have a $50 fire sale and watch the stampede as people run away.
  14. Fix the mechanical parts, install Windows with no security updates, connect it to the Internet for 15 minutes, and watch it break again.
  15. Donate it to your least favorite charity.
  16. Temporary broken couch leg replacement.
  17. Use it to make the milk crate with your textbooks the same height as the other, smaller milk crate with your notebooks so the wooden lid on top you use for a desk is more level. Leveller. Levellish.
  18. Dellquarium.
  19. Old black Dell + Big Solar Heater = Smokin' hot computer
  20. Put transistor radio inside and use resulting crappy reception to teach about magnetic shielding effects of enclosed conductors to a physics class.
  21. Take it to New Orleans, leave it on a street corner with the words "loot me" sprayed on it.
  22. Donate it to FEMA.
  23. Leave behind as a tip for your taxi ride in NYC.
  24. Extreme snowboarding.
  25. Projectile motion video analysis.
  26. Feed the trebuchet.
  27. Use stacks of them stuffed with fiberglass to build a house in a 3rd world country and feature the transformation of a Dell Computer to a mud-encrusted hut on "Extreme Makeover."
  28. Prop on the TV show "Scare Tactics."
  29. Fill with Krispy Kremes. Lemon-filled. Ironic, ain't it?
  30. Spinach dip.
  31. Glue tuna cans on them to make enormous Lego bricks.
  32. Fill all ventilation holes with hot glue. Turn on and wait for the smoke signals.
  33. Cup holder (the CD-ROM).
  34. Remove every single application except Solitaire and install in an empty study carrel at your local library.
  35. Candy dish for next Halloween.
  36. Wire from stripped out drives cables can be twisted to make cute little figurines.
  37. USB cable holder. Plug in USB port.
  38. Inspiration for stupid list of things to do with broken Dell.
  39. Tie six behind a monster truck to help announce your wedding.
  40. Fill with special "sleepy mix" brand dog food for that annoying monster next door. Leave on back porch.
  41. Ticket holders please slide your tickets in the ventilation slot.
  42. Four words: Microsoft Bob Demo Machine.
  43. Using iTunes for Windows and play "Wild Wild West" theme song until your brain explodes in sheer joy.
  44. Blackbody radiation model.
  45. Place under McMath-Pierce Solar Observatory in Arizona to mark the hours under the building like a sundial.
  46. Model of a black hole in a planetarium.
  47. Put in an airplane along with cassette recorders and instrument recorders. Paint it orange.
  48. Pencil holder.
  49. Paint yellow and create a yellow brick road.
  50. Repair it, go online, and use it to order a Mac.

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