The Lite Side

Vista Pun Headlines Evade Editors

- 2006.04.04

I think I've figured out the secret of Apple's success and why it enjoys so much good press. It's because it's easy to write a cute headline playing on the word "apple". How many headlines have we seen that sound like "Apple's Core Is Rotten","Apples for the Teacher", "Jobs Job Is Polishing the Apple", and "Red Delicious McIntosh Apples have Nothing to Do With the Beatles, So Will You Guys Please Stop Harassing Us?"

With all these cute titles, Headline Editors (oh yes, there are Headline Editors) say to themselves, "I've got a cute idea for a headline for your Mac article," whereupon the writer of said article rolls his eyes so far back in his head he has to go get Lasik™ just so he can see out of the bottom of his eyeballs.

My point (and I do have one) is that you just can't write cute headlines using the word "Vista." Believe me, I tried. Looking into the Lite Side's Ripping Headlines from the Future-o-matic, I took notes and hereby present

Vista Headlines We're Likely to See in the Near Future

  • Vista Shipping: "Verily, I See This Ain't Shipping"
  • Microsoft Invisitagates New Windows OS Delays
  • Users Look Through Windows and See XP, not Vista
  • Current Windows Users Prefer to Remain Vistal Virgins
  • Microsoft Chooses Ballmer as the New Vistage of Windows
  • Microsoft's Bitter Pill: Vistamins
  • First There Was Virtual Reality; Microsoft Explores Vistal Reality
  • Virtual Vista Visits Very Soon Now
  • Vista Keeps on Slippin', Slippin', Slippin' into the Future....
  • Like a Sleepy Classmate, Microsoft Unable to Keep Up Even When Merely Copying
  • Which Came First, OS X or the Ovista?
  • Young Programmers Become Vistao-sos of the Service Pack
  • Granny Says It'll Be a While Longer Till the Vistuals Are Ready
  • Microsoft Decides Divistature Is Best; Abandons New OS for Revised Version of XP

I trust my point is made. These headlines suck. No Headline Editor in his right mind will be able to write a decent Vista headline. Therefore, they'll pass the article on to the night shift, and soon, like an old fruitcake, the article will return to the original editor, who will recognize it as yesterday's news and toss it in the can.

Good Luck, Vista copywriters. You're gonna need it.

Addendum: I just couldn't pass this one up. The funniest Vista pun was made by reader Henry Huang, who tells us that when the deadline for Vista recedes into the future, or as users leave Vista for some other OS, they can say, "Hasta La Vista, Baby!"

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