- 2006.08.28
You might be a Mac fanatic if...
...you hear "cloners" and think of Apple's passing
fancy with licensing before you think of stem cells. Or Koreans. Or
Windows PCs. Or clones (the biological kind).
...your desk collapses and destroys more than three
Macs in working order.
...you can assemble a complete working Mac computer
from the parts of six broken ones around your house.
...you know the difference between LocalTalk and
AppleTalk. And AppleTalk vs. Bonjour. And Bonjour vs.
whatever-over-IP.
...you know that old Apple ADB cables are unshielded
S-video cables. And you've used one to connect a video camera to a Mac
- and used the camera to take a picture of its own cable.
...you have an Apple sticker from a new Mac you
bought on your car. And your bathroom mirror. And your vegetable drawer
in the refrigerator.
...you named your Mac's hard drive some cute name
like "Froggy Bottom" instead of "C:"
...you know how to access a dropdown menu with a
one-button mouse. And a two button mouse. And using a keyboard.
...you know that the Apple-splat key is called the Command key.
You know that it actually means "interesting place". But you call it
Open-Apple as opposed to Closed-Apple.
...you ever talked anyone into buying a Mac instead
of a PC. Which you demanded they return before you would offer to help
pick a new Mac.
...you don't remember your anniversary, but you know
what date in 1984 the Mac was introduced.
...you once wrote an essay for English class on the
parallels between the 680x0 transition to PowerPC and the transition of
PowerPC to Intel. And you got an A on it, because if it was so
technical, it had to be good.
...you learned about PCs just so you could explain in
detail why they aren't as good as Macs. And then you bought a PC for
the same reason. You even bought an extra copy of off-the-shelf Windows
installers just to be legal about it and have a variety of operating
systems to criticize.
...in support of Apple, you refuse to wash the
windows in your house just because of the association.
...you ever argued with a thrift-store owner or yard
salesman about the actual value of a Mac they were trying to sell too
cheaply. More than once. On the same day.
...you know who Leander Kahney is. And you have his
book. And it's autographed. With a pen you got when visiting Apple HQ
in Cupertino.
...you obsessively write partisan columns for a
website or newsletter, because you can't help yourself. No, not like
this one. Dull, boring ones no one wants to read.
...you ever criticized Dell for being "too cheap."
And you still make fun of the "Dell Dude" even though he got fired. And
everyone's forgotten about him anyway.
...you involuntarily laugh every time "Microsoft" and
"innovation" are mentioned in the same sentence. You once snorted milk
through your nose for the same reason. And you had to buy a new
keyboard because of it.
...you know what the phrase "Monkeyboy"
means in a computing context. You've seen more than one version of that
famous video. And uploaded several to YouTube. Because it's new to
someone.
...you know the difference between Steve Ballmer,
Steve Jobs, and Steve Wozniak.
...you bought a Segway just because you want to be
more like Woz. You dropped two syllables from your name for the same
reason. Then you grew a beard.
...you own one share of Apple stock. Which is framed.
Above your diploma.
...you've ever had a discussion with anyone about
Macs while in a commercial setting such as an Apple Store. Or a
CompUSA. Or a natural-foods grocery.
...you carefully scan the PC-only software aisle for
the few cross-platform titles there just to prove the salesperson
wrong. And buy them just to support the cross-platform concept. Even
though you've never played the games you bought and never intended
to.
...you've ever fixed a problem for a friend with a PC
and mentioned you've never had that problem with your Mac. Except for
that one time the motherboard died. Which you never admit to anyone but
other Mac faithful.
...you've ever posted online anywhere a sentence with
the phrase "Mac" in it. In ALL CAPS. While colored RED. In a giant
font.
...you understand when the "i" is to be capitalized -
and when it is not.
...you know everyone in your office who owns a Mac at
home, and who doesn't.
...your Christmas ornaments look like little Mac
SE's. And Flower Power iMacs. And original Toilet-Lid iBooks.
...you've ever read the contents of John Droz'
Mac vs. PC site. All of it. Twice.
In one day.
...you bought an iPod just as an excuse so you'd
"need" to get a Mac later to be more compatible with it. And a Newton,
just to complete the trifecta.
...you cried when you dropped your laptop (choke)
. . . sorry, it's just so painful to remember.
...you'd rather use a Performa or a Power Mac 5200 before you'd use a new
Windows Vista-ready machine. Or even a Mac SE. Heck, you'd use an Apple IIc
with a broken power cord before a Vista Machine.
...you own more Macs than cars. And a greater
proportion of the Macs are running.
...you own more Macs than chairs. And more Macs than
shoes. And more Macs than books (not counting the books about
Macs).
...you've given away more Macs than most people have
ever seen in one place. Even in a Mac Lab. Next door to an Apple
Store.
...you keep your desk clean just to make it match the
Mac on your desk better. And then lied about it.
...you once did a search to try to find a virus to
infect your Mac just to see what it was like. And couldn't find one. Or
if you did, it didn't work right anyway.
...you sent flowers to Steve Jobs when he was in the
hospital. In person. That you grew yourself. In the shell of an old Mac
II fx.
...you read The Lite
Side. And you've ever forwarded an article to someone. In the
daytime when you were thinking clearly, not exhausted from staying up
all night drinking Diet Coke with caffeine.
