CUPERTINO-- Apple Computer has announced its strategic plan to
convert OS 9 users to OS X users. Following the pattern
established by the inclusion of a Classic emulator in OS 9 with
the subsequent decision to remove the OS 9 installer disk from
current models to next year's planned blocking of direct booting into
OS 9 from a new iMac, analysts at Penzance, Bluebeard, and Roberts
have delineated what they recommend the niche computer maker should do
to increase conversions to OS X.
Winter 2003: Apple no longer ships computers capable of
booting into OS 9.
Summer 2003: All OS 9 software launches should be accompanied
by a popup ad for OS X.
Winter 2003: Apple should alter its EULA to make it illegal
to modify a new Mac to boot into OS 9. We anticipate large numbers
of hobbyists will create shareware utilities to restore the lost
OS 9 booting option to OS X.
Spring 2004: Apple's iDisk and .Mac services should become
completely incompatible to OS 9 users.
Summer 2004: Apple will be well advised to release a new
version of AppleWorks which is no longer compatible with OS 9.
Spring 2005: As we see it, Apple's new OS installer should
use an online registration system to delete OS 9 from your hard
drive during OS X installation. Users can, if determined, find a
software control to turn this function off. This function is eliminated
shortly after an explanation for how to do it appears on Mac OS X Hints.
Spring 2006: Apple will probably license Microsoft's new
BrainScan technology to find out if you use, or know someone who uses,
OS 9 in a machine manufactured after 2002.
Summer 2006: Apple will probably do well to release all-new
versions of all the iApps that contain a virus specifically engineered
to crash pre-OS X computers.
Summer 2008: Apple's remaining strategy will be to target the
remaining seventeen OS 9 users with cease-and-desist letters. Fear
of Apple's legal department will finally, finally spell the end of the
reviled OS 9.
Disclosure Statement: Penzance, Bluebeard, and Roberts have an
investment in Microsoft stock, and all own IBM ThinkPads.
