The Lite Side

Future Apple and IBM Cooling Strategies

- 2003.07.08

Okay, you've been waiting in helpless anticipation for people to start ridiculing the new G5's collection of fans - what are there, twenty fans or something inside the case?

Always eager to oblige, we here at The Lite Side just wanted to skip all the preliminaries and jump into the future as we describe

Future Apple and IBM Cooling Strategies

An interview with Wallace Dangly, cooling engineer for the G5 project.

LS: Well, Wallace, I expect you're expecting to have a bunch of questions about the new design of the G5 using umpteen different fans to keep the interior cool.

WD: Um, yeah, well the G5 has nine fans....

LS: Nine?

WD: Yes. They're in separate compartments to conserve power. Seven of them are low-speed fans to keep noise to a minimum.

LS: Nine?

WD: Yes, we've established that....

LS: Nine? Nine fans? Any fans on those fans, Wallace?

WD: Huh?

LS: Well, you know, conservation of energy and everything. If you blow a fan, the heat from the motor actually warms the air. You have to put a fan on the fan motor to keep the fan motor cool.

WD: We just blow the warm air into the room.

LS: Uh-huh. Well, what's next for the G6?

WD: Pardon me?

LS: Obviously the G6 is going to be hotter than the G5. How are you going to cool it?

WD: We haven't even started speculating....

LS: Poor planning. Let me give you some ideas. How about a G6 with an attached fridge?

WD: Excuse me? I thought we were talking about the G5?

LS: Yesterday's news. See, if you attach a fridge to the CPU, you could put a little door on the front for beer or soda or push-ups or something. Right next to the USB port.

WD: We don't have any plans to include refrigeration....

LS: Then, for the G7, you could use liquid nitrogen. You could ship it in Dewars overnight through FedEx for like $10 for a bottle that lasts a week, and then....

WD: Listen, just who are you?

LS: I work for, uh, the government. Yeah. Homeland Security. I'd tell you more, but I'd have to kill you and Patriotize all of your relatives.

WD: Isn't this Crazy Apple Rumors?

LS: No, we're the Crazy Apple Ridiculing Department of the Lite Side Laboratories Division of Low End Mac.

WD: Okay. For the record, you can't use my name in the interview. I'm not authorized to speak to you.

LS: Okay, how about we change your name to Wallace Dangly, Steve?

WD: That sounds all right.

LS: It'll be done. Sandy, get on that, will you?

WD: There's no one else here.

LS: Well, they wouldn't have known that until Mr. Dangly spilled the beans, would they?

WD: That's it. I'm leaving.

LS: I guess this column has more potential than I was able to extract from it.

Sandy: You can say that again.

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