What's fair for a gander is fair for a goose, my dear departed
mother used to say. Steve and Bill certainly think so. Consider:
OH, THE HUMANITY, WHERE WILL IT END?
We're not sure, but we have some random unsubstantiated speculation
courtesy of the Lite Side's
The OS Cold Wars Get Hot Again
In the coming weeks, you're likely to see the alternating purchasing
of companies take an ugly turn. Here are some predictions...
Smack! Apple buys Wacom and
ends support for Windows drivers.
Pow! Microsoft buys Epson and
kills photo printer support for OS X,
Biff! Apple leverages Logitech into
promising to release OS X drivers first for every product they
make, including webcams.
Zow! Microsoft gets the state of Washington to outlaw all
variants of Unix for state purchases.
Blam! Apple persuades the Department of Homeland Security to
invest in Macs for 20% of its workstations "just in case the terrorists
can read."
Splat! Microsoft buys every Mac for sale in Germany and
removes Germany from Apple's balance sheet by returning every purchased
machine to the Apple Store in Emeryville, complaining of "loud
fans."
Florp! Apple ships OS X Server 10.2.5, which uploads every
known macro virus and worm in existence to every Windows client who
connects to a website hosted by OS X Server.
Zowie! Microsoft buys the Mac shop across the street from
Apple and begins selling eMachines
below cost.
Plitch! Apple retorts by buying Lindows and sending a Lindows machine to
every IT department that purchases any Apple product. For free.
Fram! Microsoft buys Filemaker and renames it "Access Lite."
Sportch! Apple buys Bungie and makes them cool again.
Kratz! Bill buys Pixar and
makes a crappy movie everyone is required to see in order to reactivate
Windows XP.
Ka-Blammm! Steve buys Bill's gardener off and makes him plant
kudzu at Bill's mansion.
Blooey! Bill hires painters to paint Steve's jet so it looks
like it belongs to Austin Powers.
Shazbot! Steve challenges Bill to a nationally televised
debate.
Frak! Bill declares Steve's offer as "not serious" and asks
the Defense Department to bomb 1 Infinite Loop.
Sproing! Steve hires the Dell Doper to do
a Switch ad.
Frazzle! Bill posts Steve's email address in a troll at
Slashdot.
Shazam! Steve hints at unnatural things on Bill's website in
a posting at Fark.com.
Bap! Bill slaps Steve and mispells some words describing
it.
Zonk! Steve nails Bill with a Dell to the head.
Clang! Bill sets fire to Northern California in an attempt to
trap Steve.
Schnozz! Steve uses a crop duster to sprinkle the Californium
from 70,000 smoke detectors over Redmond, Washington, rendering it
uninhabitable.
Nortch! Bill buys North Korea and nukes Apple's manufacturing
facilities in South Korea.
Chad! Steve threatens to detonate a cobalt bomb.
Let's just stop this silliness now, before it's too late. Whaddaya
say, fellas?
This production has been supported by a generous grant from the Justice
League.
