The Lite Side

23 Events That May Compromise Your Windows Computer

- 2006.01.09

Dear User:

If any of the following should occur, your Windows computer may be infected with a virus or subjected to a worm or other type of malicious software (malware). Please take action immediately to prevent the loss of data and the expense incurred in fixing the computer.

If any of the following statements are true, your computer may be compromised and require immediate attention.

  1. You open an email with an attachment.
  2. You receive an attachment from an instant message.
  3. You click on a software download link on a web page.
  4. You play music from a Sony CD.
  5. You copy software from a CD burned for you from a friend.
  6. You visit a web site with a download software link disguised as a link to a picture or other page.
  7. A web site requires the installation of a program to see its content.
  8. You have not yet applied the latest service pack.
  9. You open a web page containing pictures.
  10. You browse a web page that has content on it other than text.
  11. You connect your computer to the Internet and turn on the computer.
  12. You plug in your computer and allow electricity to flow into it.
  13. You open the box containing the computer and look at it funny.
  14. Passing by a computer in a store window, you glance at the computer.
  15. While eating corn flakes, you think about buying a computer next week.
  16. Someone explains to you for the first time what a computer is and what it does.
  17. You pick up a calculator.
  18. You look at a watch.
  19. You learn to operate an abacus.
  20. You write out all financial transactions in longhand.
  21. Opening you mouth, you inhale oxygen.
  22. Sunlight strikes grass in your yard.
  23. In a blinding flash the universe and all the space and time in it expands from a singularity.

If any of these conditions occur, please take your Windows computer to the dumpster and go buy a Mac.

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