- 2006.04.11
Was it just me, or did anyone else catch those little jabs at
Windows on the Boot Camp installation page? "If your computer
becomes infected, well, what did you expect?" and so on.
Well, we know that the folks over at Apple actually wanted to
say a lot more than that, so we rooted around in the trash at the
Jack-in-the-Box closest to Apple HQ in Cupertino until we found
Apple's Unedited Boot Camp Instructions
Run Microsoft Windows XP on an Intel-based Macintosh
computer.
Using a Microsoft Windows XP installation disc that you provide
(even a stolen or previously used disk will work, although that is
somewhat illegal), Boot Camp Beta enables you to install Windows XP
on an Intel-based Macintosh computer.
After installation, you can start up your computer using either
Windows XP or Mac OS X. Unless you can only start up in
Windows. In which case, you can only start up in Windows, but to
restart in Mac OS X you will have to erase your entire hard
drive. Again.
The Windows XP operating system and files are stored in a
separate partition on the startup disk, so installing Windows won't
affect your Macintosh files or operating system. Actually, it's
sort of like having gender-specific dorm rooms: Theoretically, one
can't infect the other, but the reality might be somewhat
different.
Boot Camp Assistant (we almost called it a Wizard but we
couldn't stop puking) simplifies Windows installation by helping
you create the Windows partition and burning a CD with software
drivers than enable Windows XP to work with your Macintosh
hardware. Then, Boot Camp Assistant restarts your Macintosh using
your Windows XP installation disc so you can install Windows.
It will be at this point that you discover that your attempt to
copy the Windows installation disk for your Dell at work failed,
and you will be stuck with a useless, empty partition not unlike
the quality of the life you lead.
Support and Feedback
Apple Computer does not provide support for installing or
running Boot Camp Beta or Microsoft Windows software. We will
snicker at you and laugh behind your back if you try to call us and
whine about the lack of support we have for an unsupported product.
It's a call that won't end well, with a sort of Seinfeldian climax
that will consist of our asking you if you know what the term
"unsupported" means; your claim that you do; and our immediate
comeback which consists of, "I don't think you do."
Apple welcomes your feedback on Boot Camp Beta. However, it's
extremely unlikely any of us will read it. Send your positive
comments and suggestions to bootcamp@apple.com. Send all complaints
to customerservice@microsoft.com.
Warning: Boot Camp Beta is preview software licensed for
use on a trial basis for a limited time. And believe us, getting it
to work without screwing up your system will be a trial.
What this means is, it will probably screw up your system so
don't come whining to us. Do not use Boot Camp Beta in a commercial
operating environment or with important data. Like for example,
using any software you actually paid for.
You should back up all of your data before installing this
software and regularly back up data while using the software. But
don't erase the old backup (pre-Boot Camp) with your post- Boot
Camp data, because when Boot Camp makes your Mac freak out, you're
gonna wanna go back to that time when your computer actually
worked.
Your rights to use Boot Camp Beta are subject to acceptance of
the terms of the software license agreement that accompanies the
software. Glancing sideways at the license agreement is tantamount
to agreeing to its terms.
Important: Before you use Boot Camp Assistant, print this
document. It contains information you'll need while installing
Windows XP. Of course, if you're just reading this now, you're
halfway through the installation process because you started
without reading the actual steps. In which case, your printer
drivers won't work and you're essentially screwed.
What You Need
Here's what you'll need to install and set up Windows XP on your
Macintosh:
- An Intel-based Macintosh computer
- A USB keyboard and mouse, or a built-in keyboard and
trackpad
- Mac OS X version 10.4.6 or later
- The latest firmware update
- A copy of "Computers for Dummies" so you can look up
"firmware"
- At least 10 GB of free space on your startup disk (time to
delete all those saved pictures of Bea Arthur)
- Boot Camp Assistant (installed by BootCampAssistant.pkg in
/Applications/Utilities/)
- A copy of "Macs for Dummies" so you can interpret the previous
instruction
- A blank recordable CD or DVD (3 of them - one to screw up, one
to scratch, and one to use)
- Windows XP Home Edition or Professional with Service Pack 2 or
later
- A set of install codes for Windows that actually work
- A lot more "Dummies" books
- A case of beer
- A towel, a little bird in a cage, and an axe dropped by a
dwarf
Overview
Installing Windows XP on your Macintosh computer involves the
following steps:
Step 0: Drink the beer. All of it.
Step 1: Update your computer's system software and firmware,
consulting "Macs for Dummies" if necessary.
Step 2: Run Boot Camp Assistant. Don't think about Wizards while
drinking beer. The results would be . . . messy.
Boot Camp Assistant helps you with these tasks:
- Trashing your hard drive: You'll use a big honking magnet to
erase your computer's hard drive.
- Burning a Macintosh Drivers CD: After you install Windows XP,
you'll use the Macintosh Drivers CD to install Macintosh-specific
drivers and other software. According to "Computers for Dummies", a
driver is not a video game. Get over it.
- Creating a partition for Windows XP: Boot Camp Assistant
creates a second partition on your computer's internal startup disk
for the Windows XP operating system. What could possibly go
wrong?
- Starting the Windows XP installation: Boot Camp Assistant gets
you started with the Windows XP installation.
Step 2.5: Get more Beer.
Step 3: Install Windows XP.
Step 3.5: Drink more beer. All of it.
Step 4: Install Macintosh-specific drivers and other software on
your Windows XP volume. Pray to whatever gods you worship. Test
your blood alcohol level. Any friendly policeman will be happy to
assist you - just drive until you find one.
Important: You must use a single-disc, full-install
Windows XP CD that includes Service Pack 2. You cannot use an
upgrade version of Windows XP or install an earlier version of
Windows XP and update it later to SP2. Good luck with that.
Important: Before you begin, make sure you have a backup
of the important information on your computer's startup disk. In
fact, you should back up the entire disk. Not only that, but all
the devices plugged into it as well. You might want to take a look
at just getting a whole 'nother computer and installing the
experimental software there. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Updating Your Computer's System Software and Firmware
Boot Camp requires that you have Mac OS X v10.4.6 (or later) and
the latest firmware installed on your computer. When you run Boot
Camp Assistant, it lets you know if you need to update your
firmware or system software. It's pretty unlikely that you do have
the latest software and firmware, so it's pretty much a given
you're going to have to update the firmware. Get your copy of
"Computers for Dummies," look it up, follow the directions, and
come back here after you've slept off the beer.
Time passes.
Running Boot Camp Assistant
Boot Camp Assistant takes you through the process of burning a
Macintosh Drivers CD and creating a new partition for the Windows
XP operating system. Boot Camp Assistant also gets you started with
the Windows XP installation. Or it would, if I felt like typing it
all in again. Just do what I do, download the instructions off the
Internet. Then copy and paste them here. Wasn't that fun?
Important: If you are using a laptop computer, connect the power
adapter before continuing. Because even a 4-hour battery is going
to be sucked drier than a [metaphor deleted].
Creating a Partition for Windows XP
Windows XP requires its own partition on your computer's
internal startup disk. It's just jealous of the partition Mac OS X
already has, and like
Walmart, wants to stake a claim to some
serious real estate in your neighborhood. Boot Camp Assistant
creates a second partition on your startup disk for the Windows XP
operating system. You can set the size of the new partition from a
minimum of 5 GB to a maximum of 5 GB less than the total free space
available. Just decide how much spyware you want on your machine,
add 5 GB, and go with that.
To create a partition for Windows:
- Drag the divider to set the partition size for each operating
system.
- Click Partition.
Boot Camp Assistant creates the new partition for Windows. Your
original Mac OS X partition, with all your software and
information, remains intact. You can use Boot Camp Assistant later
to remove the partition if you want to restore your computer's
internal startup disk to a single-partition Mac OS X volume.
And we wouldn't mention this if we weren't pretty sure you're gonna
wanna do that real soon now, okay?
Starting the Windows XP Installation
You can install either Windows XP Home Edition or Windows XP
Professional. Either way, it's gonna take for-freakin'-ever to
install this puppy. If you're out of beer, you might want to remedy
that.
To start the Windows installation:
- Insert your Windows XP CD. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.
- Click Start Installation. Or is it Stop Installation to Start?
I can never remember.
Your computer starts up from the Windows CD. Theoretically.
Important: You must use a single-disc, full-install
Windows XP CD that includes Service Pack 2. You cannot use an
upgrade version of Windows XP, or install an earlier version of
Windows XP and update it later to SP2. What this means that if you
have an earlier version of Windows and you merely upgrade it, you
are cheap, and our pals over a Microsoft want to have a little chat
with you and your pal over dere.
Installing Windows XP
Read and follow these instructions for installing Windows XP on
your Macintosh computer. Refer to your Windows XP documentation for
general information about installing and setting up the Windows XP
operating system.
To install Windows XP on your Macintosh computer:
0. Drink the beer.
1. Start the Windows installation using Boot Camp Assistant. If
you've already started the installation as described in "Starting
the Windows XP Installation" on page 8, continue with step 2 below.
If, after partitioning your startup disk, you restarted Mac
OS X without installing Windows:
- Open Boot Camp Assistant.
- Select "Start the Windows installer."
- Sign the contract on the dotted line, right next to where Satan
signed it first.
Click Continue.
2. Follow the onscreen instructions. Here's an onscreen
instruction for you: Chuck the beer and get some whisky.
Selecting the Windows Partition
To select the correct partition for Windows:
Select partition C:.
There's some other stuff you're supposed to do, but I'm having a
really hard time concentrating for some reason.
Formatting Your Windows Partition
To format the partition for Windows:
Select either NTFS or FAT:
NTFS - No, This Fairly-well Sucks: Provides better reliability
and security.
- Note: If you format the partition using the NTFS file
system, you will not be able to write or save files to the Windows
volume from Mac OS X. Some user told us this should be at the
beginning of the instructions, in big red bold font 40 points tall,
but we like to hide it here in this innocuous looking
paragraph.
FAT - Provides better compatibility. Only if both of you are FAT
to begin with though.
Setting Up Windows
After the Windows XP software has been installed, the installer
automatically restarts your computer using Windows. Umm, maybe like
six or seven times. I lost count. Use the Windows setup screens to
configure your Windows XP system. Don't worry, no one else knows
what that means either.
Installing Macintosh Drivers in Windows
After installing Windows, use the Macintosh Drivers CD to
install Macintosh-specific drivers and other software for the
Windows XP operating system. The Macintosh Drivers CD installs the
drivers to support the following capabilities on your Macintosh
computer:
- graphics, such as being able to display the BSOD
occasionally.
- networking, so you can become a zombie bot for homeland
security
- audio, so you can enjoy iTunes for Windows on your Mac
- AirPort wireless
- Bluetooth
- Redbeard
- the Eject key (on Apple keyboards)
- the Power key (on Apple keyboards . . . hey
. . . waitaminit . . . where is my power
button?)
- brightness control for built-in displays
- The Macintosh Drivers CD also installs a Startup Disk control
panel for Windows. This is how we're going to take over the world
of Windows . . . one control panel at a time.
To install the Macintosh drivers and other software:
1. Eject the Windows XP CD.
- Go to My Computer. NO, NOT MY COMPUTER. YOUR COMPUTER.
MY COMPUTER ON YOUR COMPUTER. Whatever.
- Select the optical drive (D:). Unless you have some other drive
installed on D: In which case it could be E:,L:,M:,or O:.
- Click "Eject this disk" in the System Tasks list. Wait for it
. . . wait for it . . . wait . . .
okay..
2. Insert the Macintosh Drivers CD. Surprisingly, this goes in
the CD drive you just emptied. The installer should start
automatically. It won't, though, if you're something of a jerk, so
if you have AutoRun turned off, double-click the "Install Macintosh
Drivers for Win XP.exe" file. Then double-click the "Open the
Floodgates of Doom.exe" file. Then double-click on "Internet
Explorer." A window will pop up which will display the number of
infections and spyware programs currently residing on your
system.
Caution: This may overheat your processor. Or your
computer may explode.
3. Follow the onscreen instructions. If a message appears that
says the software you are installing has not passed Windows Logo
testing, click Continue Anyway. What could possibly go wrong?
Some windows appear only briefly during the installation, and
unlike TiVo you can't back up and read them again.
If it appears that nothing is happening, there is a very good
chance that nothing is actually happening, or there may be a hidden
window that you must respond to. This is one of the little annoying
things that Windows does just to annoy the heck out of you.
Check the taskbar or look behind open windows. If you see anyone
looking back, call the police immediately.
4. After your computer restarts, follow the instructions in the
Found New Hardware Wizard (uhhh . . . uhhh
. . . gulp . . . that's better) to update your
software drivers.
5. Follow the instructions for any other wizards that appear. In
case you see Gandalf, cast a Misdirection spell and roll a d20.
Important: Do not cancel any of the driver installers. If
you do, the computer may explode.
If you haven't yet burned a Macintosh Drivers CD, please do so
in a ventilated place.
Switching Between Operating Systems
Boot Camp Beta makes it easy to pick which operating system to
use whenever you start up your computer. You can also specify which
operating system to use by default when you start up. Another way
to accomplish this is to get another computer, which is in fact
even easier.
Selecting an Operating System During Startup
To select the operating system to use as you start up:
- Restart your computer.
- Immediately press and hold the Option key until the disk icons
appear on your screen.
- Press ctrl-alt-del which saying "There's no Place like Start"
three times.
- Press option-p-r-command-shift-left bracket and yell,
"Twister!"
- There is no step 5.
- Select the icon of the startup disk you want to use, and then
click the arrow beneath the icon.
- Start over and do it again, because more than likely, it won't
work the first time.
- Go get some drugs. Start quoting lines from "Airplane!"
Setting the Default Operating System
If you really really need to do this, you'll know how. You don't
need a stinkin' manual for that.
To use Startup Disk preferences in Mac OS X:
- In Mac OS X, choose Apple > System Preferences.
- Click Startup Disk. Wait for it . . . wait for it
. . . wait . . . okay, NOW!
- Select the operating system you want to use by default. If you
don't pick OS X, bad things may happen to you. Baaaad
things.
- If you want to start up that operating system now, click
Restart.
To use the Startup Disk control panel in Windows XP:
- In Windows XP, choose Start > Control Panel. Don't shut
down. DON'T SHUT DOWN! DON'T! Damn. Now you've ruined everything,
and you have to start all over, including the beer. If you are in
Category View, click "Performance and Maintenance." If you are not
in Category View, I don't really know what you're supposed to do.
Go get in category view, I guess.
- Double-click the Startup Disk control panel.
- Select the operating system you want to use by default. (Pick
Mac! Pick Mac! Pick Mac!)
- If you want to start up that operating system now, click
Restart.
Removing the Windows Partition
If you no longer want to use Windows on your computer, you can
use Boot Camp Assistant to remove the Windows partition from your
startup disk. This returns the disk to its original configuration
as a single-partition Mac OS X volume.
To remove the Windows partition from your startup disk:
- Start up in Mac OS X.
- Quit all open applications and log out any other users on your
computer.
- Open Boot Camp Assistant.
- Select "Restore the startup disk to a single volume" and click
Continue.
Warning: Make a backup of the important information on
your Windows volume before removing the Windows partition. Windows
XP software and all other information on the Windows partition will
be erased from your startup disk.
Troubleshooting
If you're having trouble partitioning your startup disk or using
Boot Camp Assistant, check here for possible solutions.
I can't partition my startup disk.
- This is most likely because you don't have a startup disk. Go
pick one up in a tumble-bin at Walmart.
You cannot use Boot Camp Assistant to partition and install
Windows XP on an external drive.
- This is because we don't do Windows.
Windows XP didn't install properly.
- This isn't our fault, and it isn't our problem.
The Macintosh drivers weren't successfully installed.
- Third time's a charm.
I can't eject my CD or DVD.
- Yer a Mac virgin, aren't you? Get a paper clip.
My computer doesn't always show the correct date and time.
- Try setting the clock.
I can't adjust the brightness of my display.
- You need fresh batteries in your display gizmo. That'll be a
$200 service call.
The following features are not supported in Windows XP:
- iSight cameras
- the Apple Remote
- the Apple USB Modem
- the keyboard backlighting on MacBook Pro computers
- computer functions keys
- common sense
- good sense of color balance
- any software that starts with "i-"
- your old copy of OS 9
- that one game about flying a paper airplane around a room and
catching it on fire
- your old HP printer that runs from a dongle that emulates an
old Mac serial port
- your Apple IIe emulator you use while still trying to crack
"Leather Goddesses of Phobos"
- the Apple "splat" command key - very interesting, eh?
