Presenting still more of the rejected switchers candidates Apple
didn't want you to see....
Dear Apple,
I'll have mine with double cheese, with Diet Coke, supersized. Glad
I switched to a Mac.
Ronald McDonald
Dear Apple
I switched to a PC from a Mac a long time ago. I had a thing called
a Power Mac 5200, and man, let me
tell you, it was slooooow as Christmas. I hit the power key last June,
and the thing just now started up. I inserted a floppy and could count
the spins as the platter turned. It's a good thing I'm a good typist,
because it takes forty-two minutes for a letter to display once I hit a
key. If I make a speling error, I never go back to corejsoipvnn
safhjsdio dnfouihsa. Sorry about that, fingers misaligned on
keyboard.
Oh, I see, you want people who switched to Macs, not from
Macs. I've already typed this, so I'm sending it anyway. You probably
won't get it until August.
Les Wesman
Dear Apple
I'm writing to share a tragic little story
My dad has a PC that my sister and I used to use for our homework
assignments. [roll eyes around room] One night, I was writing a paper
on it, [pause] when all of a sudden [pause again] it went berserk, [BIG
pause] the screen started flashing, and the whole paper just
disappeared. [Pause. Open mouth in astonishment.] All of it. And it was
a good paper! I had to cram and rewrite it really quickly. Needless to
say, my rushed paper wasn't nearly as good, and I blame the PC for the
grade I got. [open eyes]
I'm happy to report that my sister and I now share an Apple
PowerBook... [editor's note: Oops, sorry, this one wasn't rejected - my
bad.]
Dear Mr. APPLE@MAC.COM
Would you like to have new, modern aluminum siding on your home at 1
ELLIPSE CIRCLE in CUPERTINO, CALIFORNIA? You too can afford this
beautiful latex-coated aluminum siding at a price you will be surprised
to find is well within your budget. Just contact me at your convenience
for more details.
Allen Paymor
EZCHEEP siding of AMERICA, INC
Dear Apple
The deer is winding the toybox. Elves are in the hairbrush. Repeat,
elves are in the hairbrush. You are go for WeaselPop. I say again, you
are go for WeaselPop.
Name Withheld on Threat of Death
Dear Apple
I just wanted to let you know I finally gave up on my HP RPN
calculator on advice from my therapist and now am switching to a Mac to
prevent any more episodes like the one yesterday at the mall.
Leon Norton
US Postal Service Inspector
Dear Apple
You can bite me!
Get it?
You're an apple, and I told you to bite me!
Get it?
I just slay myself sometimes.
Sincerely,
David Spade
Dear Apple,
I did not find that cease-and-desist letter
you sent to me at all amusing. What a waste of bandwidth.
Sincerely,
Steven Jobs
Dear Apple,
In the future, everyone will use one Mac, and they will all access
it from a central server. They will be able to buy a terminal for it
for only $12.95. But there will be a monthly access fee, which will
increase over time. If you join with me, we can rule the server
forever! Soon my plan will come to fruition, and everyone will switch.
Everyone, do you hear!
Buhwahahahaha
Sincerely,
Larry Ellison
Dear Apple,
I was just wondering, since you guys were out of business, if you
know where I can get a new Mac real cheap for my sister. If you are
having a fire sale, just let me know. It'd be a good time to
switch.
Best Regards,
Darryl Hairback
Dear Apple,
If you weren't so confabulated with that Clinton fellow, we could
probably find a way to transmeta ourselves to your way of computing. In
the interests of national security, I don't think we'll be able to
constrict bidness with you.
Thank you for Writing and Don't Forget To Vote if You Live In
Florida,
George "Dubya" Bush
Dear Apple,
I know how to talk to Mac users. Heck, I've been a Mac user myself.
And my respected colleagues across the aisle think I'm talking about
hamburgers when I tell them about the virtues of the Mac. I don't even
capitalize all the letters when I write it. Vote for me.
Sincerely,
Albert Gore
Dear Apple,
I switched out a long time ago, and I'm a better man for it. Think
about it.
Sincerely,
Steve Wozniak
Want to read more? See Rejected reasons
to "Switch".
