This last year saw some of the funniest computer-related humor ever.
Nothing to compare with a pie
in Bill Gates' face, of course, but some stuff came pretty close.
Tops on my list:
Justice Department realizes it uses Windows
Some junior law clerk points out at a lunch meeting that
everyone in the DoJ is using Windows, and the case just falls apart
after that. You'd think they were paid off or intimidated or something.
If I worked there and had a conscience, I'd resign for "other
opportunities" too.
Steve "Monkeyboy" Ballmer's motor-vational speech
Developers, developers, developers. Video clips
from Mr. Ballmer's ill-fated dance across the stage at a Microsoft
Confluence. Not to be missed.
Windows XP's Duck Debacle
"We don't copy anything from Apple," declared the little
yellow rubber duckie login symbol from Windows XP. "Quack, quack,
quack," he added. Turns out another computer manufacturer featured the
same photo-realistic symbol for the same purpose and highlighted it in
the same way in advertising. The whole thing turned out to be a minor
flap. The duck, we note, was facing the other way, which pretty much
sums up Microsoft's interpretation of the whole "innovation" thing.
Freedom to Innovate
Let's see . . . can anyone tell me how
Microsoft has innovated this year? Anyone? Yes, sir, you in the
back . . . oh, right, yes, the whole Pass-storm, Hail-dot and
Net-port thing. Yes, that is an innovation, for sure. Anything
else?
FBI supports Windows
When the FBI starts issuing tech tips for
Windows . . . you might want to consider switching platforms.
Dead People Don't Use Windows
But they
do write letters to congress complaining about this whole
discriminatory, unnecessary, innovation-killing, economy-stifling thing
we like to call "the law." (Also see Dead
People Don't Use Windows.)
All this just goes to show that the real reason Windows dominates
the computing world is that the other operating systems just aren't
funny. Mac aficionados (that's an Italian word that means
"Star-Trek style fanatic") are just too serious about saving the world
by promoting the Mac.
Linux would be funny, but it has to recompile its kernel first. The
real reason Linux is not taking over the desktop world is because even
though Linux is a great pun (Linus + Unix = Linux), who wants to use an
operating system from a lumpy-headed kid who carries a blanket and
sucks his thumb?
Anyway, in a shameless plug of self-promotion, here are my favorite
Lite Side columns from 2001. And here's a special message to that
secret little ego-dude deep inside Bill Gates' heart, the one that
makes him do the things he does: We're not laughing with you,
we're laughing at you.
Thanks to Dan Knight at LEM for hosting this column. It's been a lot
of fun!
