This last year saw some of the funniest computer-related humor
ever. Nothing to compare with a
pie in Bill Gates' face, of course, but some stuff came pretty
close. Tops on my list:
Justice Department realizes it uses Windows
Some junior law clerk points out at a lunch meeting that everyone
in the DoJ is using Windows, and the case just falls apart after
that. You'd think they were paid off or intimidated or something. If
I worked there and had a conscience, I'd resign for "other
opportunities" too.
"We don't copy anything from Apple," declared the
little yellow rubber duckie login symbol from Windows XP. "Quack,
quack, quack," he added. Turns out another computer manufacturer
featured the same photo-realistic symbol for the same purpose and
highlighted it in the same way in advertising. The whole thing turned
out to be a minor flap. The duck, we note, was facing the other way,
which pretty much sums up Microsoft's interpretation of the whole
"innovation" thing.
Freedom to Innovate
Let's see . . . can anyone tell me how
Microsoft has innovated this year? Anyone? Yes, sir, you in the
back . . . oh, right, yes, the whole Pass-storm, Hail-dot
and Net-port thing. Yes, that is an innovation, for sure. Anything
else?
FBI supports Windows
When the FBI starts issuing tech
tips for Windows . . . you might want to consider switching
platforms.
Dead People Don't Use Windows
But they
do write letters to congress complaining about this whole
discriminatory, unnecessary, innovation-killing, economy-stifling
thing we like to call "the law." (Also see Dead
People Don't Use Windows.)
All this just goes to show that the real reason Windows dominates
the computing world is that the other operating systems just aren't
funny. Mac aficionados (that's an Italian word that means
"Star-Trek style fanatic") are just too serious about saving the
world by promoting the Mac.
Linux would be funny, but it has to recompile its kernel first.
The real reason Linux is not taking over the desktop world is because
even though Linux is a great pun (Linus + Unix = Linux), who wants to
use an operating system from a lumpy-headed kid who carries a blanket
and sucks his thumb?
Anyway, in a shameless plug of self-promotion, here are my
favorite Lite Side columns from 2001. And here's a special message to
that secret little ego-dude deep inside Bill Gates' heart, the one
that makes him do the things he does: We're not laughing with
you, we're laughing at you.
Other things Dell did first,
10.15. Important Dell firsts - besides the first portable with
integrated wireless networking.
Death of a Floppy, 12.24.
This gripping piece of modern American Techno-Tragedy sees "the
Floppy" struggle and fail to maintain his role in a world of big
files.
iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13.
"What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
Mac of the Day: Centris 650, Feb. 1993 - The replacement for the Quadra 700 has room for an internal CD-ROM.
List of the Day: Old Mac MP covers 604-based multiprocessor Macs and clones.
September 7 in LEM history: 98: Banner exchanges - 00: Tips from the Mac manager - Getting a Mac job - 01: Apple and the gray market - Repositioning the 'Books - 04: Tray loading iMac a good choice for OS X? - Pismo CPU upgrades - 06: Mac mini value equation - Setting up a Mac Classic II - Putting the Intel transition in perspective - 07: Region free DVD viewing, - My Newton - Solving Mac disk and hardware problems - 2 apps every MacBook should have
Listen to Just the Music with the V-Moda Vibe Earbuds, Tommy Thomas, Welcome to Macintosh, 09.05.
Well built, the noise canceling earbuds will let you hear all the nuances of your music without letting through background noise.
Best iPod touch Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.05.
Refurb 8 GB, $199; new, $284; refurb 16 GB, $299; new, $370; refurb 32 GB, $399; new, $453.
Best 15" MacBook Pro Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.05.
Used 1.83 GHz Core Duo, $999; 2.16, $1,125; new, 2.2, $1,450 after rebate; refurb 2.4, $1,699; 2.5, $1,999; 2.6 Santa Rosa, $1,849; rebates on new.
Best iMac G4 Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.05.
Used 15" 700 MHz CD-RW, $279; 800 Combo, $300; 1 GHz $390; 17" 800 MHz SD, $439; 1.25 GHz, $449; 20", $569.
Tomorrow's Solid State Drives and Notebooks, Dan Knight, Mac Musings, 09.04.
Flash drives are great but have some shortcomings. Some thoughts on building better SSDs and notebooks to use them.
Best Mac mini Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.04.
Used 1.25 GHz G4 SD, $549; 1.42 Combo, $409; new 1.83 Core2 Combo, $569 after rebate; 2.0 SD, $769 after rebate.
Best 12" PowerBook G4 Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.04.
Used 867 MHz Combo, no APX, $490; 1 GHz, $550; SuperDrive, $625; 1.5 GHz w/o APX, $660; w/APX, $675.
Best 17" PowerBook G4 Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.04.
Used 1 GHz, $779; 1.33 GHz, $799; 1.5 GHz, $859; 1.67 GHz, $910.
11 Mac Browsers Compared, Simon Royal, Mac Spectrum, 09.03.
The latest versions of Internet Explorer, Opera, Safari, Shiira, iCab, Radon, Firefox, Netscape Navigator, SeaMonkey, Flock, and Camino tested in Leopard.
Best eMac Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.03.
Used 700 MHz Combo, $120; 1.25 GHz SuperDrive, $150; 1.42 GHz, $349.
Best Mac OS X 10.5 'Leopard' Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.03.
Mac OS X 10.5, single user, $99; 5 users, $140; 10.5 Server, 10 users, $395; unlimited, $850.
Best MacBook Air Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 09.03.
Refurb 1.6 HD, $1,499; new, $1,690 after rebate; refurb 1.8, $1,699; new, $1,919 a/r; refurb 1.6 SSD, $2,099; new, $2,294 a/r; refurb 1.8, $2,299; new, $2,400 a/r.
Psystar Strikes Back, Countersues Apple, Frank Fox, Stop the Noiz, 09.03.
Psystar is trying to paint Apple as a monopoly and force it to license the Mac OS.
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