Q. How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. 79: seventy-seven to buy or break all the spare light bulbs in
town; one to get a patent on the ubiquitous light bulb socket (one way
or another); and one to charge enough for screwing in the light bulb
that it pays all the others' salaries.
Q. How many Apple employees does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. 5: One to redesign the light bulb; another to redesign the
socket. Another spends all his time installing the new sockets in
strategic markets for free. One opens a new Apple Light Bulb and Socket
Store, and one to tell us about it on an enormous stage while wearing
jeans and a black turtleneck.
Q. How many Dell employees does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. 2: One to knock a hole in a nearby wall, and the other one tells
us the light from the hole is just as good as the light bulb would have
been.
Q. How many Linux users does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes about a month because that person has to
blow the glass, try out different filaments, pump the air out of the
bulb, and assemble the bulb - only to find it doesn't fit the socket
without an expensive adapter.
Q. How many Compaq employees does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. We'll have to get back to you on that because the light-bulb
manager we used to work with got laid off after the merger.
Q. How many Gateway employees does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. Just one, but odds are it'll be the wrong wattage. And you'll
have to wait for it to be delivered to your house; they don't stock any
at the store.
Q. How many Low End Mac users does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. 2: one provides the old Mac SE/30 case, and the other tears up a
lamp to mount inside it. Working together, they make a MacLampium.
Q. How many High End Mac users does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. High end Mac users use fluorescent lighting in the table and
counter surfaces and rarely have to change a bulb. Occasionally they
have to rip out a countertop to put in a new ballast.
Q. How many Mac humor columnists does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. All of them. Most of them are pretty dim bulbs, too.
