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Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts
at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able
to access their command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late twentieth-century computing
technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer
screen.
Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is Microsoft?"
Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called Windows, through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin
consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it creates a
new version of itself known as an "upgrade." The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be
able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing
ability will be taken over and none will be available for their
normal operational functions."
Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."
. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
Data: "Captain, we have successfully installed Windows in the
Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all
available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation
of the expected upgrade."
Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage
and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an upgrade to
compensate for their increase."
Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there
is something we have missed."
Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
upgrade. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
by not sending in their registration cards."
Riker: "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F."
Geordi, excited. "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly
dropped to 0%!"
Picard: "Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data, studying displays. "Apparently the Borg have found the
internal Windows module named Solitaire, and it has used up all
available CPU capacity."
Picard: "Let's wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce
their functionality."
. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
Riker: "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
Geordi: "As expected, the Borg are attempting to reengineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources, I have set up our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more Windows modules from something called
the Microsoft Fun-pack."
Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"
Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an
interest time span of six more hours."
Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard: "Identify."
Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the Microsoft
logo..."
Over the speakers: "This is Admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft
flagship Monopoly. We have positive confirmation of unregistered
software in this sector. Surrender all assets, and we can avoid any
trouble. You have 10 seconds to comply."
Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
Riker: "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight
toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they
survive the tortures of deep space?"
Data: "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will
look closer, I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases
and wearing Armani suits."
Riker and Picard, together - horrified: "Lawyers!!"
Geordi: "It can't be. All the lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
Data: "True, but apparently some survived."
Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it
with all types of papers."
Data: "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red tape.
It often proves fatal."
Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
Picard: "Turn the monitors off, Data, I can't bear to watch. Even
the Borg don't deserve such a gruesome death!"
iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13.
"What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
Mac of the Day: PowerBook 2400c, May 1997 - This small-footprint PowerBook was created by IBM for the Japanese market.
List of the Day: Apple TV List The Apple TV List is a forum to discuss the Apple TV.
October 14 in LEM history: 99 : 6 things I hate about OS 9 - Mac connectivity - Simplicity is key - 02: RAM Disks - 03: What to keep when your Mac dies - 05: History of the iPod - eMac discontinued
Recent Content on Low End Mac
Death of the iPod 'Way Off in the Future', Tim Nash, Taking Back the Market, 10.14.
Someday Apple will decide that the iPod is no longer profitable and discontinue it, "but that day looks to be way off in the future."
Best Titanium PowerBook G4 Deals, Low End Mac Deals, 10.13.
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