The Lite Side

Universal Customizable Mac Configuration Order Form

- 2002.12.24

So the exact configuration you wanted isn't listed at the Apple Store? Irritated that Apple doesn't let you "roll your own"?

Well, your time in Purgatory is at an end, my friend, because today you can order a new Mac using the Lite Side's

Universal Customizable Mac Configuration Order Form

Step 1. Select a FORM FACTOR:

Step 2. Select a CPU Speedand select a CPU

Step 3. Select an amount of RAM:

Step 4. Choose a MODEM.

  • I don't need a modem you fool
  • some generic 56K thing

Step 5. Choose a MOUSE. Check the number of Programmable Buttons you want:

Check the number of Scroll Wheels you want

  • Click here to make scroll wheels buttons
  • Click here to make buttons scroll wheels

Check the connection method

ADB
USB
Wireless Blacktooth
mechanical linkage
supernatural forces

Step 6. Choose a KEYBOARD.

Squishy silent keys
Squishy noisy keys
Power button on keyboard

If you did not select POWER BUTTON ON KEYBOARD choose one of the following

Power Button requires 0.01 mm magnet wire to activate
Power button accessible with Torx driver and a combination of hot glue and pliers - requires three hands to open cover to access
Power button breaks when you use it

Step 7. Choose an OS.

System 7
OS 8
OS 9
OS X
Palm OS
Newton OS
Windows something-or-other

Step 8. Choose a NETWORKING PROTOCOL (just one):

Step 9. Choose which ports you want. You may choose as many as you like.

SCSI
ADB
Serial modem
Serial printer
USB
USB 2
FireWire
Ethernet
IrDA
telepathic
microwave transmitter
21-cm hydrogen radio signals from deep space
hyperwave
just a little dock with some nice boats in a marina will do

Step 10. Choose a MONITORand SIZE

Step 11. Choose a POWER SUPPLY CORD.

fits okay but looks like crap
falls out but looks good

Step 12. Choose WHICH KEYS THE LITTLE BUMPS GO ON.

F and J
D and K
W and }.

Step 13. Choose A FUNDAMENTAL DESIGN FLAW.

Step 14. Choose a DEFAULT OFFICE PACKAGE.

Microsoft Office
AppleWorks
Can't tell you any others or Microsoft will find out and try to put them out of business - write for details

Step 15. Choose a TIME DELAY BEFORE SHIPPING:

Step 16. Choose a STATE TO DECLARE SALES TAX AGAINST:

Step 17. Choose a WARRANTY OPTION.

No Warranty
Expensive Warranty that doesn't cover what 4 year olds do to your computer

Step 18. Choose a PAYMENT METHOD.

Cash
Charge to PayPal
Repayment after PayPal account hijacked
Hold payment until product actually boots
Credit Card

If you chose CREDIT CARD, fill out the following

MasterCard
Visa
Some other kind you don't have

Enter Card number here - Don't press Tab here okay press Tab this time just keep typing until you get it all in Now type that little number on the back and sign here and cut your card in half.

Step 19. Choose a SHIPPING COMPANY.

UPS
FedEx
Snail
Brown? What the heck is "Brown"?
Never mind I'll pick it up
What do you mean I can't pick it up
OK ship it to my billing address
I already told you my billing address just use that
Ship it to yourself, I'll pick it up at your house if you get my meaning

Step 20. Choose a TIME YOU ARE NOT HOME.

Deliver when customer is not home

Now that you've configured your order, just click "Print" from the file menu and mail your order to One Definite Loop, Cappuccino, California 98765-4321 along with a fair assortment of credit cards.

Enjoy your new customized Macintosh computer!

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