Dan Knight
- 2005.02.10
Spam.
Junk email. Unsolicited bulk email.
Whatever you call it, it's the biggest pain in the inbox since
the invention of email. Worse, there seems to be almost no way of
avoiding it without subjecting your friends to some sort of
challenge-and-response system.
You know how that works. You send someone an email - sometimes a
reply to one they just sent you - and you get an email back from
their anti-spam service asking you to verify that you really sent
it, verifying that you're a real person and not a spambot.
Hey, I just sent it, didn't I?
Unfortunately, the protocols governing email make it easy for
spammers, and as I've been raging against that machine, I've seen a
whole lot of spam in recent weeks. Phrases keep popping up -
mortgage, former prime minister, lottery, Rolex, millions of
dollars, \/iagara, add 3", cheating housewives, online meds,
c-i-a-|-i-s, overseas business, office supplies, checks, toner,
software, brand new stock - not to mention numerous misspellings
and tortured use of the English language. (Although lately I've
been receiving spam in Spanish and German as well.)
Well, it's time we put everything together and created the Lite
Side's
Ultimate Spam Email
INTERNATIONAL EMAIL SWEEPSTAKES LOTTERY
PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD DEPT.
REF: RSSL/61-ILGI0509/45
BATCH:RSSL/15/096/WRCS
RE: WINNING FINAL NOTIFICATION & PARTNERSHIP OFFER
This Is Not A Scam
Dear Winning Sir/Madam/President/CEO/Patsy,
Hi, it's me Tiffany/Brianna/Victoria/any other female you
may fantasize about... my lame husband left me home alone again
with his authentic reproduction fake Rolex that's just like your
favorite actor wears.
I have a on-line profile you can check it out...if you want
to get to know each other better we can have a date and experiment
with my husband's |evitra while he is on a two month business trip
because he doesn't love me anymore.
We happily announce to you the draw of the International
Email Sweepstake Lottery programs held on the 14th september
2004.Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 212005600545
188 with Serial number 4888/02 drew the lucky numbers:
41-6-76-13-45-8, which subsequently won you the lottery.You have
therefore been chosen to receive this very important
request.
I Hope This Mail Meets You In Good Health And Spirit, I Am,
TURKIN EZE, A Sierra Leonia. This may be our first, last, and only
attempt to contact you, please do not wait until it's too late. Get
your application in to us immediately.
Presently, I Live As A Refugee In republic of senegal dakar
, With My Younger Sister, MONICA.I Am A Victim Of War And The Son
Of Late Chief Dr.O.ONUORAH The Assassinated Former Assistant
Director Of Sierra Leone Spam and Email Mining Corportation, Where
Great Fortunes Were Made Selling OEM Software, Prescription
Medications, Low Interest Mortgages, Knock Off Watches, And
Cheating Housewife Services.
My Father Was Killed With Other Government Officials During
Official Hours When The Rebel Troops Stormed And Raided The Mining
Corporation Office At The Heat Of The Crisis In My Country. A Few
Weeks Later, The Rebels Also Invaded Our Residential Building In
Which My Mother And Two Of Our Security Men Were Killed In The
Compound While I Was Out Testing \/iagara's Extra Three Inches With
A $1 Cheating Housewife In Your Neighborhood And My Younger Sister
Was In School.
I Had A Singular Shock And Trauma, Which Compelled Us To
Flee From The Country To republic of senegal dakar By The Help Of
An Army Colonel, Who Is A Close Friend Of My Late Father,We Would
Like To Further Our Education If Not For The Death Of My Parents. I
Have Never Worked To Earn My Living Since My Late Parents Had
Enough Wealth For Us Thanks To Numerous Email Scams.
I Am Contacting You Now Because Of The Present Difficulty I
Am Facing.
Unfortunately My Father's Two Accounts In West Africa Have
Recently Been Frozen.However This Did Not Affect The Twenty Million
And Six Hundred Thousand Dollars(Us$ 20,600,000), Which He Kept In
a Washington Mutual Online Banking On My Name As The Next Of Kin.
We Need This Money To Pay Our Low, Low 2.11% Mortgage On The
Presidential Palace.
For Now, I Am Having Every Information And Document Needed
For The Clearance Of The Money In The Foreign Finance Firm Banking
Here With Me And I Want You To Act As The Beneficiary Of The Fund
For Easy And Smooth Transfer To Your Account Abroad For Investment
Purposes.
You Will No Doubt Be Adequately Compensated With As Well As
A Percentage Of The Profit From Investment Of The Fund. Also You
Will See To It That My Sister And I Come Over To Your Country At
The Earliest Possible Time.
I Am Making This Request To You With Tears In My Eyes And I
Feel That God Almighty Will Touch You With His Spirit To Listen To
My Cry For Help And Answer Me Without Delay.
Since Our Breadwinner Is No More And This Is The Only Hope
For Keeping Our International Online Black Market Prescription
Medication Business Solvent.
You Positive Response Will Give Me The Greatest Joy And
Relief. God Bless You For Your Kind Assistance We Have Agreed To
Offer You 35% Of The Total Sum.Seriously Waiting For Your Urgent
Reply Below Email.
For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning
information confidential till your claims is processed and your
money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your
prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double
claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous
elements. Please be warned.
For due processing and remittance of your prize money to a
designated account of your choice.
Remember,You are to contact our agents by email and within a
week of receiving this notice.After this date, all funds will be
returned as unclaimed.
Want to lower the expenses on ink products? At our
International Internet discount store, customers can get quality
products at the best price with the best service.
For all US orders over $45, the USPS delivery service is
frree.
Get started!! Check the discount store for more great deals
on ink toners and cartridges.
Save as much as 80% on ink products and get orders in the
states shipped within 2 to 3 days from dakar senegal. We can also
offer you ChecksExpress High Quality Pre-printed Checks free with
your ink products order.
And don't foget to order your Microsoft, Adobe, Macromedia,
and other possibly pirated software from our OEM CD online store.
Save up to 80% and more on stolen, pirated, unlicensed, outdated,
and other important types of software.
You will also qualify for a low 2.9% mortgage of $400,000
for aiding us in our desperate need. All we need is your credit
card information to verify your credit score and we can approve you
immediately.
And do not forget to open attached file, which will implant
adware, spyware, and malicious viruses in your Windows computer and
also turn it into a zombie email server so we can continue scams
such as this.
Email :turkineze2004@walla.com.
Best regard,
MR.TURKIN.E.ONUORAH
P.S. We also own the software that can randomly misspell
words, create bizarre capitalization schemes, substitute 0 for o, |
for l, \/ for v, and all sorts of other nifty things. It can also
append a string of dictionary words, a fake news story, or nonsense
to your email to help it get past spam filters. Believe us, the
patsys think this makes the emails we send legitimate.
out edmonds abridge deform genre beirut? debater colloquia
cochran Iannulus our the teacart and at rental a alway on not we
rival. reproach interaction, and some artistry. Future virtual
realities will the current into a very deep ravine, where he lay
for a long time in the present day, by general consent, as
unworthy
Remember, Lite Side readers, you can fool some of the people all
of the time and some of the people all of the time.
