- 2006.05.04
Apple's new series of ads has inspired me to seek out other
notable actors - well, let's say, actors you've seen somewhere but
you're not quite sure where.
Oh really? The Daily Show? Wow - anyway, there are more than two
operating systems, right? Right? So we need other operating system
representatives to , um, represent them.
Yes, I know the Apple ad never comes out and says Windows, but
we all know who they're talking about, right? Right?
That's why the Lite Side OS (abbreviated L-SOS, otherwise known
as the "ol' sauce" has a README.TXT file that contains this list of
actors recommended to represent the following list of operating
systems, distilled from the
Wikipedia list of operating systems.
This is of course what we like to call:
The Kernel of Truthiness: Operating System
Spokespeeps
- C/PM: One of the twins from Full House. Not that one,
the other one. The cuter one. Everyone likes Ashley, but no one
talks about her much.
- MS-DOS: Obviously, this should be Ben Stein. Goes without
saying.
- Windows Me: Tom Cruise, because it's all about ME, ME, ME.
- Windows 3.1: Ed Asner after Mary Tyler Moore but before
the end of Lou Grant, before he got all touchy-feely and
Hollywoodish. Gruff enough to be convincingly practical, cynical
enough to appreciate the user interface just because it was the
last thing developed for the OS (obviously).
- Mac OS 9: Alan Alda - fond memories but getting long in the
tooth.
- Mac OS 6: Johnny Carson, because nothing brings back memories
like the classics.
- OS/2: Ed McMahon, because nothing says "second fiddle" like
Ed's guffaw.
- BeOS: An unnamed US Army soldier urging us to BeOS all we can
Be.
- Microsoft Bob: Rush Limbaugh, because using it was like taking
a bad trip.
- Windows CE: Clint Eastwood, because he's got that great
WinCE.
- NewtonOS: Paula Abdul. Read into that whatever you like.
- PalmOS: Tom Hanks. Just the right touch of righteous
indignation that it isn't more popular.
- TOS (Tramiel Operating System): Tori Spelling. Both have a hint
of family connections pushed just a little too far - and a nice
symmetry with the initials: ToS.
- NeXTstep: Gregory Hines; insert obligatory tap-dance joke
here.
- Solaris: Charlton Heston. I want my two hours back. Oh,
waitaminit . . . that was Solar Crisis. Nevermind.
I was thinking of that one movie with that one guy from Jurassic
Park. No, wait. That was Event Horizon. I know this was
a movie, but lemme see . . . (sound of googling)
. . . oh yeah, George Clooney. That's the guy from
Solaris. Get it?
- Linux: Arnold Schwartzenegger. Just to hear him pronounce it.
Or maybe David Spade. He's got that fanboy attitude, just the right
level of sneer regarding the Ignorant Masses.
- PR1ME: Larry King. Both of them well past their prime.
That's all I've got. You guys at Slashdot had better link to this
. . . I wrote it and dedicated it to you. I'm sure you could
figure out appropriate representatives for every OS listed on
Wikipedia. Go ahead. Try. I dare ya.
You gotta just ask yourself, "Do you feel lucky, punk?"
